Oasis for YA

WRITER WEDNESDAY: Backstitching your manuscript

2012-02-08T09:02:00.001-05:00

Writing is a craft, an art, a process. We would like to think we sit to our computers or notebooks, open a vein and bleed a story. In truth, it may feel like it, but writing is only part of the process. Typing The End is amazing (trust me, I know, I did it about a week ago) but there's still much work to be done. There's the dreaded Revisions. For some reason we authors tend to cringe from Revisions as mush as Synopses, like they're the evil under the bed, slinking into the light of our The End glory days.

Let's compare the writing process to other arts and crafts and I'll show you how revising is backstitching your story.

When you paint/draw/color a picture, you start with a light sketch. For writers, this sketch is an outline or rough idea. Then you grab your oil pastels, water colors, colored pencils, whatever medium you choose. To those writing a story that could be Voice, Characterization, Storytelling, and such, the tools we ply to tell the story. When the picture is near completion, the artist adds highlights, lowlights, outlines features to make the picture come to life. In the writing world, those are revisions. They accent plot threads, highlight themes, etc.

Bakers pull out a recipe, kinda like an outline. The flour, sugar, butter and cocoa are similar to a writer's Voice, World-building and Storytelling. After the mixing, comes the baking. Once those cookies and cakes and donuts come out, there's glazes, frostings, and sprinkles to highlight the flavors, accent the appearance, a lot like revisions do for writing. (Okay, admittedly, not all baked items get that extra step, but they usually do here! :P )

Cross-stitchers and embroiderers have charts they follow, much like writers have our outlines and ideas. They gather their floss, needles, scissors--the stitcher equivalent of our writer's tools. Some stitchers, like my Mom, put the floss onto numbered cards, like many writers notecard their stories, then arrange the scenes. When the stitching is done, it's time to backstitch and really outline points of interest, stitch opalescent thread in the eyes, or to highlight jewels, french knot to add depth to flowers, etc. The exact same thing writers do when we revise.

So...celebrate when you've typed The End (I know I did!), but don't neglect the backstitching to make the story really come to life!

TBR Tuesday: After Obsession

2012-02-07T09:53:00.000-05:00

If you're looking for a young adult story spilling over in mystery, suspense, and surprises, look no further.

Aimee and Alan have secrets. Both teens have unusual pasts and abilities they prefer to keep hidden. But when they meet each other, in a cold Maine town, they can't stop their secrets from spilling out. Strange things have been happening lately, and they both feel that something-or someone- is haunting them. They're wrong. Despite their unusual history and powers, it's neither Aimee nor Alan who is truly haunted. It's Alan's cousin Courtney who, in a desperate plea to find her missing father, has invited a demon into her life-and into her body. Only together can Aimee and Alan exorcise the ghost. And they have to move quickly, before it devours not just Courtney but everything around her.

Filled with heart-pounding romance, paranormal activity, and rich teen characters to love-and introducing an exciting new YA voice, Steven Wedel-this novel is exactly what Carrie Jones fans have been waiting for. Meet your next obsession.

Yeah, AFTER OBSESSION by Carrie Jones & Steven E. Wedel totally has it all! I'm looking forward to reading it. Now go, quick. Add this one to your TBR list. Check it out on Goodreads or Barnes & Noble!

Have any of you read this one? Tell us what you thought.

Whoseywhatsit Thursday: Writing Prompt!

2012-02-02T07:00:00.000-05:00

It's time for another Whoseywhatsit writing prompt, from yours truly. This week's topic (no surprise) ...

Valentine's Day and LOVE.

Maybe a kissing scene. A first glance. Or a first date ... could be a romantic picnic or a darkened movie theater.

I think the key to these scenes, in order to pull the reader in completely, is to make sure you're using several senses. What does the love interest smell like? Does she have on a flavor Chapstick? What is the texture of his hair? And, even more importantly, what's going on in her head while all this happening?

You have up to 250 words to get your character in the love zone - develop a flashback, write a poem, try something new, whatever you want. Post those words below and then comment on at least one other person's writing. (You don't need to necessarily critique it, this isn't polished writing people!)

Ready. Set. Go! And when you're done, consider joining our That's Y'Amore blogfest!

Writer's Wednesday: Q & A

2012-02-01T10:44:00.002-05:00

It's my turn to post a Writer's Wednesday. I wrote it down, set a reminder in my phone, and now here I am. But ... I can't decide what to write about. We've covered the first 250, synopses, critiquing, crit partners, characters, setting, etc.

Then I thought, why not ask our lovely readers what they want to know? :)

So hit me with your questions about writing. It can be anything. Plot problem? Describe it. Character question? Ask away. Query trouble? Let me have it.

I will stop by throughout the day and answer. And maybe some of the other Oasis ladies will, too. Or, maybe another commenter will have the answer!

And if you don't have any questions, I hope you have a lovely Writing Wednesday, full of words and joy. :)

TBR Tuesday ~ HARBINGER by Sara Wilson Etienne

2012-01-31T09:00:00.003-05:00

**Congrats to Devony -- our Oasis Seeker who won a copy of The Space Between by Brenna Yovanoff**

Today's TBR selection is Harbinger by debut author Sara Wilson Etienne. It's coming on February 2nd, so there's hardly any more time to wait and I'm getting anxious. Here's the description ~

When sixteen-year-old Faye arrives at Holbrook Academy, she doesn't expect to find herself exactly where she needs to be. After years of strange waking visions and nightmares, her only comfort the bones of dead animals, Faye is afraid she's going crazy. Fast.

But her first night at Holbrook, she feels strangely connected to the school and the island it sits on, like she's come home. She's even made her first real friends, but odd things keep happening to them. Every morning they wake on the floors of their dorm rooms with their hands stained red.

Faye knows she's the reason, but what does it all mean? The handsome Kel tries to help her unravel the mystery, but Faye is certain she can't trust him; in fact, he may be trying to kill her - and the rest of the world too.

Rich, compelling writing will keep the pages turning in this riveting and tautly told psychological thriller.

Between that summary and the fact that the book cover looks like a Tarot card, I'm hooked. But if you really want to be drawn in, check out the trailer. That ending is awesome!

<br><br>**

Whoseywhatsit Thursday: GIVEAWAY

2012-01-26T12:24:00.000-05:00

Who wants an ARC of The Space Between by Brenna Yovanoff? As I'm sure y'all know by now, her debut novel The Replacement is my favorite book. EVER. So, I'm sharing the Yovanoff love and maybe winning her another fanatic reader.

What to do to win the ARC?

Tell me your favorite YA book ever, and why.
And leave an email addy the Oasis can contact you at if you win. Easy Peasy!
The winner will be announced with next Tuesday's post.

We Have a WINNER!!

2012-01-25T06:30:00.000-05:00

To celebrate Oasis's milestone of 1,000 followers, we pledged to honor one of our followers with some spiffy new duds.

A.E. - 'Raised by Wolves' AND 'Trial by Fire' ARC
J.A. - 'Renegade' ARC (when available)
Jessie - iTunes gift card
Larissa - Starbucks gift card
Nikki - 'Writing Great Books for YA'
Sheri - eBook version of the YA novel of your choice

So, without further suspense, the winner of the above follower's love package goes to.....

Drum roll...

Cymbals clank...

The crowd cheers...

DAH, DAH, DAH!!!

LadyVampire2U is the winner!!

Oasis ((hugs)) CONGRATS!

An email is on the way...

From the depth of our leisurely souls, the Oasis Team would like to thank each and every one of our followers for participating and for staying with us. We appreciate you being a part of our publishing journeys and we love being included in yours. Thank you!

Sending you a warm, tropical breeze filled with many successes and happiness.

To Be Read Tuesday: Too Many to Choose!

2012-01-24T07:00:00.001-05:00

Typically on To Be Read Tuesday, I pick a book that's coming out soon ... that I can't wait to read. But, this week I'm doing something different. I'm sharing MORE than one book. And they are books that are already out!

Let me back up. I was in a bit of reading slump for several months last year. Everything I picked up, I read a few chapters and put it down again. Only to pick up another novel, read a few chapters, and add that to the growing stack on my nightstand.

Seriously.

I'll take a picture of them all if you don't believe me!

But then, suddenly this past month I've read FIVE amazing books, racing through them to the very finish in a couple days at the very maximum.

So, without further ado, here are my To Be Reads (in no particular order):

Under the Never Sky by Veronica Rossi

Aria has lived her whole life in the protected dome of Reverie. Her entire world confined to its spaces, she's never thought to dream of what lies beyond its doors. So when her mother goes missing, Aria knows her chances of surviving in the outer wasteland long enough to find her are slim.

Then Aria meets an outsider named Perry. He's searching for someone too. He's also wild - a savage - but might be her best hope at staying alive.

If they can survive, they are each other's best hope for finding answers.

Cinder by Marissa Meyer

Humans and androids crowd the raucous streets of New Beijing. A deadly plague ravages the population. From space, a ruthless lunar people watch, waiting to make their move. No one knows that Earth’s fate hinges on one girl. . . .

Cinder, a gifted mechanic, is a cyborg. She’s a second-class citizen with a mysterious past, reviled by her stepmother and blamed for her stepsister’s illness. But when her life becomes intertwined with the handsome Prince Kai’s, she suddenly finds herself at the center of an intergalactic struggle, and a forbidden attraction. Caught between duty and freedom, loyalty and betrayal, she must uncover secrets about her past in order to protect her world’s future.

The Fault In Our Stars by John Green

Diagnosed with Stage IV thyroid cancer at 12, Hazel was prepared to die until, at 14, a medical miracle shrunk the tumours in her lungs... for now.

Two years post-miracle, sixteen-year-old Hazel is post-everything else, too; post-high school, post-friends and post-normalcy. And even though she could live for a long time (whatever that means), Hazel lives tethered to an oxygen tank, the tumours tenuously kept at bay with a constant chemical assault.

Enter Augustus Waters. A match made at cancer kid support group, Augustus is gorgeous, in remission, and shockingly to her, interested in Hazel. Being with Augustus is both an unexpected destination and a long-needed journey, pushing Hazel to re-examine how sickness and health, life and death, will define her and the legacy that everyone leaves behind

Ashfall by Mike Mullin

Under the bubbling hot springs and geysers of Yellowstone National Park is a supervolcano. Most people don't know it's there. The caldera is so large that it can only be seen from a plane or satellite. It just could be overdue for an eruption, which would change the landscape and climate of our planet.

Ashfall is the story of Alex, a teenage boy left alone for the weekend while his parents visit relatives. When the Yellowstone supervolcano erupts unexpectedly, Alex is determined to reach his parents. He must travel over a hundred miles in a landscape transformed by a foot of ash and the destruction of every modern convenience that he has ever known, and through a new world in which disaster has brought out both the best and worst in people desperate for food, water, and warmth. With a combination of nonstop action, a little romance, and very real science, this is a story that is difficult to stop reading and even more difficult to forget.

A Million Suns by Beth Revis

Godspeed was fueled by lies. Now it is ruled by chaos.
It's been three months since Amy was unplugged. The life she always knew is over. And everywhere she looks, she sees the walls of the spaceship Godspeed. But there may just be hope: Elder has assumed leadership of the ship. He's finally free to enact his vision - no more Phydus, no more lies.

But when Elder discovers shocking news about the ship, he and Amy race to discover the truth behind life on Godspeed. They must work together to unlock a puzzle that was set in motion hundreds of years earlier, unable to fight the romance that's growing between them and the chaos that threatens to tear them apart.

In book two of the Across the Universe trilogy, New York Times bestselling author Beth Revis mesmerizes us again with a brilliantly crafted mystery filled with action, suspense, romance, and deep philosophical questions. And this time it all builds to one mind-bending conclusion: They have to get off this ship.

RENEGADE Cover Reveal!

2012-01-20T10:00:00.000-05:00

OMG SQUEE! Today is the day you get to collect puzzle pieces and hints about the AMAZING cover for MY critique partner, Jessica Souders's debut RENEGADE.

RENEGADE by J.A. Souders

Since the age of three, sixteen-year-old Evelyn Winters has trained to be Daughter of the People in the underwater utopia known as Elysium. Selected from hundreds of children for her ideal genes, all her life she's believed that everything is perfect. Her world. Her people. The law.

But when Gavin Hunter, a Surface Dweller, accidentally stumbles into Elysium's secluded little world, Evelyn comes to a startling realization: Everything she knows is a lie.

Her memories have been altered.

Her mind and body aren't under her own control.

And the person she knows as Mother is a monster.

Together with Gavin she plans her escape, only to learn that her own mind is a ticking time bomb...and Mother has one last secret that will destroy them all.

You guys. This book is SO FRICKIN' GOOD. Seriously.

And, Tor gave it a GORGEOUS cover. I have seen it, and it is fantastic. And I've read the book, and the cover is PERFECT for it.

All right. If you aren't already participating, follow the directions below to collect puzzle pieces and words for the scavenger hunt. There are PRIZES!

Here is the puzzle piece for this stop, and the word is in red above. ;)

(OMG THE GORGEOUS!)

If you are just joining, the scavenger hunt starts at Jessica's blog here: www.jasouders.blogspot.com

The next stop after Oasis is:
11 am: Fire and Ice (http://fireandicephoto.blogspot.com/)

For the final cover, and to enter the giveaway, on Monday visit one or all of the following blogs:

Reading Teen (http://www.readingteen.net/)
Boo ks Complete Me (http://www.bookscompleteme.com/)

Mundie Moms (http://mundiemoms.blogspot.com/)

Simple Love of Reading (http://simpleloveofreading.blogspot.com/)

Stuck in Books (http://www.stuckinbooks.com/)

So, what do you think of this little piece of the cover?

Whoseywhatsit Thursday: The Critiques

2012-01-19T10:00:00.000-05:00

Two weeks ago, we had our monthly call for critique volunteers, and the winner was Nicole! You can visit her at http://nicolesteinhaus.com/

We took a look at Nicole's synopsis for PIECES OF ELLIE. As usual, I have summarized/combined our comments for this post, and will send Nicole everyone's full critiques.

PIECESOF ELLIE- YA Suspense

Synopsis

Adopted at the age ofseven with no memories prior, sixteen-year-old ELLIE COX cannot explain hermissing time. [Could be reworded to bemore clear and start with her current age: Sixteen-year-old ELLIE COX has nomemories prior to being adopted at age seven, and no one knows why. (orsomething like that)] Her dissociation [Can you make it more clear that she continues to have black outsand or memory lapses?] has always been generally mild, insignificantmoments in her day lost—taking a shower, driving to school—and has always beenchalked up to forgetfulness. That is, until the decision to further herrelationship with her boyfriend, SHANE, triggers a string of inexplicableblackouts.[furthering how? howdoes this trigger more blackouts?] Hiding in the forest, fighting with Shane…Ellie can’t figure outwhat’s making her do these things. Shane doesn’t know either. To him, Ellie’sbehavior is bizarre. He doesn’t necessarily believe when she says it’s stressfrom school and the cross country team, but being the forgiving boyfriend heis, he lets it go. [I feel like this isa bit vague, and the questions I'm getting aren't necessarily ones to keep mereading. A synopsis should be engaging with an air of mystery, but this feelstoo thin on details]

But Ellie’s aggressionis growing. And after she punches ~~LEXI~~, Shane’s best friend, out ofjealousy, her parents send her to DR. PARODY, a therapist they hope can guideEllie back on track. One afternoon, leaving the office, Ellie bumps into a boywho immediately recognizes her, but mistakenly calls her “Gwen.” And with thatshe blacks out. Three days later, she awakens in the apartment of the boy. Hisname is GRIFFIN and after determining he had not kidnapped her, Ellie fights togain back the three days she’s missing. [more detail here? How does she fight? Or is it just gone? Ifeel like I’m missing something here.] Her parents are furious,of course, thinking she ran away in rebellion, but what’s worse is that neitherShane nor Ellie’s best friend, ~~DANI~~, will speak to her. And she has noidea why. It’s ~~SADIE~~, a girl from Spanish who divulges theheart-breaking news: she and Shane are no longer together. [getting too many names. Do we need to know allthese names? Do they come up again? I recommend sticking to just the primarycharacters]

When she confrontsShane, he shows Ellie a picture of her and Griffin together in the park. Elliecheated on Shane and has no memory of it. Trying to make sense of everything,Ellie shows up at Griffin’s work, but the meeting doesn’t go as planned.Griffin is much more entrancing than she ever imagined and is the one personshe’s comfortable sharing her memory secret with. [Why is the oneperson, of all the people in her life she'd confide in the guy she"cheated" with?] On the sly, she beginsmeeting him after school and while she’s still struggling to make amends withShane, her feelings for Griffin keep growing. And it turns out Griffin needsEllie just as much. Grieving the murder of ~~Gabby~~, his younger sister,Griffin sees Ellie as a savior, someone who’s helped him understand that ~~Gabby’~~sdeath wasn’t his fault, even though she’d been under his watch when he left herin the park to get high with his friends four years ago. As Griffin and Elliegrow closer, the guilt of pretending to be “Gwen” weighs heavy on Ellie. [I needed this detail earlier – that she hadn’t corrected himabout not being Gwen. Jarring when it comes out here for first time.] But when she finally gets the nerve to set itright Griffin storms off, hurt that she lied to him, and cuts offcontact.

After a few sessions,Dr. Parody uncovers a haunting secret: mistreatment as a child fracturedEllie’s mind into three personalities—herself, a small child named Ruby whoholds the memories of Ellie’s early years and Gwen, the reckless alter whocares for no one but herself. Dr. Parody explains that with continued therapyEllie will begin the long, painful journey toward integration where all threealters will be unified into a single, cohesive whole with a solitary set ofvalues and a shared memory bank. But a year passes and Gwen still refuses tointegrate with her.[HOW DOES IT END?! SEEMS WE ARE LEFT WITH A CLIFFHANGER BUT WE NEED TO KNOW HOWIT RESOLVES.]

Larissa: I think you have an intriguing premise here. It sounds awesome. As I read the end of the synopsis, though,I’m unsure where the climax is. Wheredoes the big problem come to a head and get resolved? From this, it almostsounds like it happens at the doctor’s office, and I’m not sure that’s veryexciting for what you have set up here. Of course, that’s just my opinion, andI may be completely wrong, in which case, it could be more clear at the end ofthis synopsis. Either way, best of luckwith what sounds like a VERY interesting manuscript!

Jessie: I’m very much intrigued and would keep reading. I suspect Gwen isgoing to wreak some serious havoc!

Nikki:I think was pretty cohesive and tightly written. It could use a little bit ofvoice sprinkled throughout (just change a word here or there if possible) butotherwise I liked it and the premise itself. One note, I kept wondering ifthere were paranormal elements, so I would just make sure the query (oraccompanying info) clearly states this is contemporary.

Sheri: This whole memory loss and black out premise is really cool.I like the mystery of it all. You seem to have well-crafted characters, too.Saying that, there are a few places within the synopsis you could tighten.

I was a little confused at the opening line. It felt like aningredient was missing. After reading the rest of the paragraph, I think withno prior memories could be taken out. Most 7yr-olds wouldn’t have memoriesof those few short years, anyway. You could also plant a snippet of your lastparagraph, which is very, very powerful. That would definitely heighten theintrigue and tie the beginning to the ending.

Small notes: you can eliminate a few flow-cutting words like but& and. Read the paragraphs with them and then without. You’ll know whichones to cut. Mentioning SADIE by name isn’t necessary. She doesn’t come intoplay again. Using the word entrancing gave me the impression he heldsome power over her, but then you say she’s comfortable with him. Iwould have thought his hold over her would make you uncomfortable. Just explainwhy, brief sentence.

A.E.'s notes are in purple.

Have something you'd like critiqued by the six Oasis Sisters? Come back Thursday, February 2, for our next call for volunteers! Happy Whoseywhatsit Thursday!

Writer's Wednesday - Finding Sanctuary

2012-01-18T08:46:00.000-05:00

We used to do a post every week on finding sanctuary. Now that we don't do a weekly post, I thought it was time to revisit some of the ways that we can work sanctuary into our writing time. (Yes, I'm all about multi-tasking.)

Here are some ideas for making your writing time more enjoyable:

* Take your laptop and write beside a crackling fire

* Burn a candle in your favorite scent

* Make yourself a steaming cup of hot cocoa (come on, you know you secretly want one too every time you make it for the kids)

* Wrap one of those heat-able wraps or blankets around your shoulders to release tension while typing

* Make a new playlist full of your favorite mellow songs

* Close your e-mail folder and/or turn off your internet, so you don't know or aren't able to access the many possible distractions that linger

* Consider writing long hand. The extra time it takes to write down the words will give you brain additional time to be creative and you may find things just flow when you move away from the computer.

What other ideas and tips can you share for making writing time just a little more relaxing?

TBR Tuesday: Fracture

2012-01-17T09:00:00.000-05:00

Eleven minutes passed before Delaney Maxwell was pulled from the icy waters of a Maine lake by her best friend Decker Phillips. By then her heart had stopped beating. Her brain had stopped working. She was dead. And yet she somehow defied medical precedent to come back seemingly fine

-despite the scans that showed significant brain damage. Everyone wants Delaney to be all right, but she knows she's far from normal. Pulled by strange sensations she can't control or explain, Delaney finds herself drawn to the dying. Is her altered brain now predicting death, or causing it?

Then Delaney meets Troy Varga, who recently emerged from a coma with similar abilities. At first she's reassured to find someone who understands the strangeness of her new existence, but Delaney soon discovers that Troy's motives aren't quite what she thought. Is their gift a miracle, a freak of nature-or something much more frightening?

For fans of best-sellers like Before I Fall and If I Stay, this is a fascinating and heart-rending story about love and friendship and the fine line between life and death.

Doesn't this just sound fantastic! It pretty much speaks for itself, so I don't have much to say, but I LOVED Before I Fall and if this is anywhere near as awesome, it's a book I'm not going to be able to put down.

Megan Miranda's website.

Let's Celebrate Some Good News!

2012-01-14T10:46:00.000-05:00

We are so excited for our Oasis Sister, J.A. Souders! You may have heard that her debut novel, Renegade, will be released from Tor this fall. Her EPIC cover reveal is happening next week, and you can find out all of the details HERE.

But we also just learned that the German rights for Renegade have been sold! HIP, HIP, HORRAY! We hope you'll join us in congratulating Jess on this milestone achievement! In the meantime, all we can say is:

1000+ Follower Giveaway!

2012-01-13T06:00:00.006-05:00

Thank you thank you thank you to all of our followers! We're celebrating reaching 1000 followers with a giveaway. The lucky ONE winner will receive something from each of us!

A.E. - 'Raised by Wolves' AND 'Trial by Fire' ARC
J.A. - 'Renegade' ARC (when available)
Jessie - iTunes gift card
Larissa - Starbucks gift card
Nikki - 'Writing Great Books for YA'
Sheri - eBook version of the YA novel of your choice

(IMPORTANT: This prize pack is for US Residents only. Due to shipping costs, International winners who enter will receive only the gifts cards and the YA eBook of your choice.)

Just make sure you qualify for the rules in the official entry form below. The only requirement is that you follow the blog through either GFC or Networked Blogs. You can get an optional extra entry for following us on twitter. Easy-peasy.

The contest will remain open for one week, closing at midnight EST on Friday, January 20th.

Thanks for entering and we hope to see you back here each week on the Oasis. If you read or write YA, this is the sanctuary for you.

<p>&amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;gt;Loading...&amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;gt;</p>

Synopsis Check List 101

2012-01-12T06:30:00.000-05:00

Since we've cut down our Whoseywhatsit Thursday Critique offering to once a month--1st Thursday for you to enter and the 3rd Thursday we release our collective critique--we've decided to explore some writing techniques on the off Thursdays.

This month, we offered to critique your synopsis. So I think it's appropriate to go over a short list of Do's that will help us all write concise and meaningful synopsis'.

FYI of a synopsis:

average length: 1 to 2 single-spaced pages; double-spaced between paragraphs.
some agents/editors/publishers have specification for the synopsis' they want to received. Check their guidelines. Some are willing to read a longer synopsis, such as 3-5 pages, but usually those are then double-spaced.

DO'S

- Start with a hook. Just as we strive to engage the reader from the start of our novel, we must do the same with our synopsis. Think of it as a combination between the hook you've used in your query letter and the collective mood you've used within your first chapter. Combining that thought process can sometimes be helpful.
- Introduce the Main Characters ONLY. Don't get me wrong; if you have a secondary character that is necessary to mention to tell the story then do so. But you don't have to highlight the store clerk said MC met, unless it's pivotal to the plot. Make sure to include each character's MOTIVATIONS, CONFLICTS, and GOALS.
-Condense each paragraph into a fine-tuned mini-story, leaving out unnecessary details like adjectives and too much description. Instead, use an event (ACTION) and then that character's (REACTION) to convey your story.

First paragraph should encompass your story's setup.
Continue to tell the story, using ONLY the important elements that forge your main plot forward. Make sure to tell the agent/editor everything, though, those important elements.
The last two(ish) paragraphs should concentrate on all your subplots meeting in the middle: CRISIS AND RESOLUTION.

- Finally, BREATHE. Set it aside. Have another writer peek at it. Then give it another look. Edit until it's as concise as you can write it.

Writer's Wednesday ~ Stolen Moments

2012-01-11T13:48:00.001-05:00

Borrowed from DeviantArt

When do you make time for your writing? For your reading? (We all know it's critical to stay on top of the market by reading within our genres.)

If you're a scheduler, than I have no tips for you. I would never follow my own schedule. Deadlines sometimes help, but only if they're real (like a CP is waiting on my work). For me, what I need are moments of stolen time. I don't know why ... maybe I feel like I'm sneaking in something special by writing when it's not expected. But here are some ideas to help you work writing time into your day that you didn't otherwise knew you had:

* Take your laptop or book with you to your kid's activities. Do you really need to watch their sixty-seventh attempt at the perfect cartwheel during gymnastics? What about those times your kid is just warming the bench or practicing? These are my most favorite stolen moments for some reason. It's like multi-tasking at its finest.

* Email your WIP to yourself at the office. During lunch, can you pop it open and add a couple hundred words, then mail it back to your home account. Not only did you find some spare time, you also build in a backup save of your work in case your computer crashes. You can always retrieve the old email from one of the servers.

* I usually can't make myself go to bed any earlier to read, but I can make use of that "twilight" time before I crash to get in another chapter. I've found a book light has helped tremendously with this one, because now I don't feel guilty about coming in and turning on the light next to hubby.

* Get one of the reading Apps for your phone so you always have your book with you. Why bother with magazines when you're waiting in the doctor's office? Your current read is as close as your cell phone. You don't even have to remember your e-reader or book.

So, those are my little tricks for slipping in reading and writing time. What are yours?

TBR Tuesday: Bloodrose by Andrea Cremer

2012-01-10T08:00:00.000-05:00

The third and final installment of the international bestselling Nightshade trilogy!

Calla has always welcomed war. But now that the final battle is upon her, there's more at stake than fighting. There's saving Ren, even if it incurs Shay's wrath. There's keeping Ansel safe, even if he's been branded a traitor. There's proving herself as the pack's alpha, facing unnamable horrors, and ridding the world of the Keepers' magic once and for all. And then there's deciding what to do when the war ends. If Calla makes it out alive, that is. In this remarkable final installment of the Nightshade trilogy, international bestselling author Andrea Cremer crafts a dynamic novel with twists and turns that will keep you breathless until its final pages.

Andrea's website

So, if you haven't read Nightshade or Wolfsbane, you need to go get them IMMEDIATELY. I love this series SO SO MUCH! I am so excited that the third book of the trilogy just came out, and I cannot wait to read it! (Although, I have to, unfortunately. I have to find time to get to the bookstore!)

Anyway, as soon as I can get away and get to the store, Bloodrose will be my very first purchase and first read. I've already heard lots of great things about this book and I'm so excited to read it.

Have you read Bloodrose? Tell me what you thought in the comments!

P.S. In October, Jessica posted a TBR Tuesday about Article 5, her editor-sister's debut. Well, it's about to come out! AND, you can read a sneak peek on Tor's website! Check it out!

Whoseewhatsit Thursday - First Contest of 2012

2012-01-05T08:43:00.000-05:00

Since we had a few hiccups with our critique giveaways in 2011, we decided to modify the rules just a bit. For 2012 and beyond, here's what you need to know about Whoseewhatsit Thursday Critique Contests.

* Enter on the first Thursday of every month by leaving a comment on the Whoseewhatsit post. The topic for the month will be included in that month's post (i.e., first 250, query letter, etc.)

* Winner will be selected randomly using (go figure) random.org on the following Sunday

* Winner will need to have her or his piece submitted to The Oasis by the second Thursday of the month

* The Oasis will e-mail the winner full and complete critiques from all six of The Oasis Sisters. We will also post some or all of the critiques on the blog on the third Thursday.

Thus, we intend for the prize (thorough critiques from the six of us as if we were your CPs) to also be a learning opportunity for all of our Oasis Seekers.

Got it? Good. Now on to this month's contest ~ the Synopsis. Nikki posted some tips for writing a synopsis last week and we could tell from the comments that this is an area that stumps many of you. And for good reason -- it's hard! So, this month's winner will receive a critique of either a single-spaced page or two double-spaced pages of their short synopsis.

Please enter only if you have a synopsis that you are prepared to send to us by next week if you're selected. We can't wait to see what you have in store for us!

TBR TUESDAY: Masque of the Red Death by Bethany Griffin

2012-01-03T10:13:00.000-05:00

I've become a retelling fan, lately and sooo tired of fairytales already. Then I saw this Publisher Marketplace listing and almost squeed out loud with joy:

Bethany Griffin's MASQUE OF THE RED DEATH, a post-Apocalyptic reimagining of Poe's gothic horror story of the same name, in which a girl trying to escape everything holds not only her own life in her hands, but also those of two boys warring for her heart...and the fate of her crumbling society, to Martha Mihalick at Greenwillow Books in a three book deal for publication in Summer 2012, by Michael Bourret at Dystel & Goderich Literary Management (NA).

From the author's site:

Everything is in ruins.

A devastating plague has decimated the population. And those who are left live in fear of catching it as the city crumbles to pieces around them.
So what does Araby Worth have to live for?
Nights in the Debauchery Club, beautiful dresses, glittery make-up . . . and tantalizing ways to forget it all.
But in the depths of the club—in the depths of her own despair—Araby will find more than oblivion. She will find Will, the terribly handsome proprietor of the club. And Elliott, the wickedly smart aristocrat. Neither boy is what he seems. Both have secrets. Everyone does.

And Araby may find something not just to live for, but to fight for—no matter what it costs her.

Which is really pretty and all, but this says so much more:
From DGLM Children's and Young Adult newsletter… Death is impossible and living is impossibly hard for seventeen-year-old Araby Worth in Bethany Griffin's Masque of the Red Death, a sexy, post-Apocalyptic reimagining of Poe’s gothic horror story of the same name. The year is 1870 and a deadly virus has decimated the population of North America. Masked corpse-collectors travel the streets, removing the bodies before the contagion can spread. Though Araby tries to escape it all with drugs and parties, even at her most intoxicated she can’t forget her brother’s death-or her guilt for causing it. But things begin to change when William, the fascinating proprietor of the club where she searches for oblivion, and Elliott, nephew of the insane dictator, enter her life. One wants her heart, the other her name. Convinced that he has won over his uncle’s army, Elliott believes that having Araby on his arm will charm the populace into supporting a new government. After all, her father is the inventor of the mask which prevents the spread of the plague-for those who can afford it. In return, Araby asks that he make protective masks available to all citizens, which could save the lives of Will’s young siblings, whom she has come to care about. But nothing is what it seems. A new contagion called the Red Death is sweeping the city. The revelation that Araby’s father may have created the new virus in his laboratory puts Araby’s life in danger. The mob wants her. The rebels want her. And both boys want her. In this two-book series, what and who Araby chooses may just decide the fate of humanity.

See why I want it so bad? It's at the top of my TBR pile and I don't have it!! I have a place card there, (im)patiently waiting for its release.

COVER REVEAL: Toxic, by Jus Accardo

2012-01-02T00:01:00.000-05:00

My CP Jus Accardo's YA novel TOUCH has been garnering rave reviews and has sold to European countries. Today, on behalf of the Oasis, I'm honored to be part of the big Cover Reveal for the much clmaored for sequel, TOXIC.

First, the Blurb:

When a Six saved Kale’s life the night of Sumrun, she warned there would be consequences. A trade-off. Something taken for the life they gained. But Dez never imagined she’d lose the one thing she’d give anything to keep… And as if it’s not enough Dez finds her immunity to Kale fading, the Six brought in to help Kale learn to control his killer touch starts drooling on him the moment they meet. Worse than that? Jade can touch Kale. But bimbo Barbie is the least of Dez's problems.

After Dez and Kale got away at Sumrun, her father lost not only his most powerful weapon but an important piece of the Supremacy project. Forced by Denazen to remedy the situation, he poisons Dez and offers her a choice—surrender to Denazen for the cure…or die. Determined to find a solution that doesn’t involve being bagged and tagged—or losing someone she loves—Dez keeps the poison a secret. But when a rash of Denazen attacks hit a little too close to home, Dez is convinced there’s a traitor among them. Jade.

Sacrifices, broken promises, and secrets. Dez will have to lay it all on the line if there’s any hope of proving Jade’s guilt before they all end up Residents of Denazen. Or worse, dead...

Sounds awesome, right? I know I'm dying to get my mitts on it!

And now (drum roll) I present the cover for Toxic, by Jus Accardo!

I don't think I can say enough how much I love this cover. Attitude and barefoot, too!

Join the conversation on GoodReads: TOXIC by Jus Accardo

Check out other news about Jus and her novels:

Twitter

Facebook

Website

From All of Us to All of You ~ Happy New Year!

2011-12-31T08:40:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure we can count all of the great things that happened here on Oasis for YA during 2011. Larissa joined our ranks in September and we've been loving her posts. Nikki, Jessica and I all got to meet in person, which was a rare treat, considering Jess & I live on the east coast and Nikki lives on the west coast. (Yes, that is an iHop in the background. That's just how we roll.)

We've participated in several blog hops or blogfests, and even had the honor of co-hosting a blogfest with Kathy at I am a Reader, Not a Writer. We've seen our readership grow this year, and been blessed to have loyal Oasis Seekers return week after week.

So, as we leave 2011 behind, we just wanted to say "thank you" to each of you! There'd be no point in anything we do if it weren't for you. We value your comments and feedback. We appreciate that you take time out of your busy days to stop by here for a moment of sanctuary. We wish you nothing but the best in 2012!

Speaking of 2012, we want to announce that we'll be hosting the second annual That's YAmore Blogfest in February. You can get all of the details and sign up to participate here. The synopsis version is this: you post 250 steamy words from your YA WIP; you read others' entries; you could win a prize from us. Sounds awesome, right? We had a blast with it in 2011 and we hope to have even more of you join us in 2012.

Until then, whatever your new year's plans, stay safe and happy writing!

Writer's Wednesday: Nailing Your Synopsis

2011-12-28T09:43:00.002-05:00

I know we've talked about tips for writing a query, and the outline of a synopsis here at Oasis For YA, but I wanted to delve a little further into my personal tips for nailing a synopsis. Now, by no means am I an expert, but I've done several synopsis critiques ... and of course have written a few myself :)

Writing a synopsis is daunting and overwhelming to most people. How do you possible condense your monstrous project into a page? Or five pages? Hopefully these tips will help.

In no particular order ...

Your synopsis should be written in third person, present tense ... irregardless of how you actually wrote your novel.
The first time you mention a character, BOLD their name.
Begin with your hook!
You want to hit all of your major plot points, climax, and reveal the ending in your synopsis.
Synopses should be tight. Make every word count.
Include active verbs, not passive ones.
Stick to the essentials, side plots aren't necessary in the synopsis.
Along with the above point, stick with your main characters. Supporting characters aren't necessary to include, and just serve to confuse the synopsis reader.
When you're done, reread and revise, and then do it again. Get someone to critique your synopsis. It's an important part of your submission process.
If your synopsis is less than a page, it should be single-spaced. More than a page, it should be double-spaced. Yes, I realize there is a gray area where if you double space a single-spaced page - it will bounce to two pages anyway! But, go with your gut on this one.

Of course, this applies mostly to the short synopsis (less than five pages). A longer chapter synopses (usually included as part of a proposal) will include more characters and depth.

Good luck and feel free to share your synopsis tips below!

TBR Tuesday: The Year in Review and the Year Ahead

2011-12-27T08:00:00.000-05:00

Did everyone have a lovely Christmas? Or do you celebrate something else? Did you have a lovely that?

Since it's the last Tuesday of 2011, I thought it would be nice to both reflect on our favorite books of 2011, and look ahead to what's exciting for 2012.

Today is the last day to enter the Mid-Winter's Eve Giveaway Hop and win one of OUR favorite books of 2011.

My personal favorite was Demonglass by Rachel Hawkins.

I also loved Anna Dressed in Blood by Kendare Blake,

Wolfsbane by Andrea Cremer,

Firelight by Sophie Jordan,

City of Fallen Angels by Cassandra Clare,

I'm sure I'm forgetting some, but those were the ones that stuck out.

So, for 2012, clearly, I'm excited for the sequels of all of these (and they all have sequels, YAY!).

But I'm most excited, (and you should be, too) for my good friend, crit partner, and Oasis Sister J.A. Souders's debut, RENEGADE. Read more about RENEGADE here. You guys, this book is going to BLOW YOUR MIND. It is so amazing. AND, a little bird told me that Jessica is getting ready for a super amazing cover reveal in January! SQUEE!

So, what books did you LOVE from 2011? What books are you drooling for in 2012? *waits with with pen poised over wishlist*

Mid-Winter's Eve Blog Hop

2011-12-21T00:01:00.000-05:00

Thank you SO MUCH for coming by our blog for the mid-winter's eve blog hop. We are so excited to be co-hosting the hop with the amazing Kathy from I am a Reader, Not a Writer.

If you're here, chances are, you're looking to win something reading related. Well, have we got a fabulous prize for you. The winner of our internationally-open blog hop will get to choose from our favorite YA reads of 2011. You get to pick ONE of the following titles if you win:

A.E. - Divergent or Die for Me
J.A. - Anna Dressed in Blood
Jessie - Where She Went
Larissa - Demonglass
Nikki - Daughter of Smoke and Bone
Sheri - If I Stay

Just make sure you qualify for the rules in the official entry form below. The only requirement is that you follow the blog through either GFC or Networked Blogs. You can get an optional extra entry for following us on twitter. Easy-peasy.

Thanks for entering and we hope to see you back here each week on the Oasis. If you read or write YA, this is the sanctuary for you. And don't forget to check out the rest of the hop stops, now through December 27th (see linky list after the entry form)!

Loading...

What Do I Want 2 Read???

2011-12-20T06:01:00.000-05:00

Well that's an easy question to answer, although it could take a while.

Nope. I won't do it to you. If you're anything like me, you still have too many errands to run before the big present-unwrapping-morning. I am so far behind this year. Can I hear an AMEN??

I decided to give you two reads that I've been wanting to read. And guess what? I just WON both books on the author's blog!! Too cool and just in time to say "Merry Christmas to me!"

I'm talking about Hilary Wagner's awesome tale about rats. Yup, and both are some awesome storytelling. Although these are MG in nature, I believe most YAers will love this tale.

Deep beneath a modern metropolis lies the Catacombs, the kingdom of remarkable rats of superior intellect. Juniper and his maverick band of rebel rats have been plotting ever since the Bloody Coup turned the Catacombs, a once-peaceful democracy, into a brutal dictatorship ruled by decadent High Minister Killdeer and his vicious henchman, Billycan, a former lab rat with a fondness for butchery. When three young orphan rats--brothers Vincent and Victor and a clever female named Clover--flee the Catacombs in mortal peril and join forces with the rebels, it proves to be the spark that ignites the long-awaited battle to overthrow their oppressors and create a new city--Nightshade City. View the trailer on the Nightshade City website! NightshadeCity.com

Book II of the Nightshade Chronicles begins three years after Juniper and his rebel band liberated the Catacombs from Billycan's vicious control and established the democratic Nightshade City. A sense of peace has settled over Nightshade, but it is a false one. Billycan, the White Assassin, has been found deep in the southern swamps, where he now rules a horde of savage swamp rats eager to overrun Nightshade City. With the help of an ancient colony of bats and an uneasy alliance with the swamp snakes, Juniper and his council set out to thwart Billycan's plans. When a shocking secret is revealed everything changes. The fate of Nightshade City and the life of Juniper's only son depend on Juniper's decision: should he help his mortal enemy? The past resurfaces with devastating impact in this sequel to Nightshade City, a dark tale of intrigue, deception, and betrayal.

Do they not speak for themselves??

You still have time to pick up both before the holidays arrive. Amazon & Amazon, or visit Hilary's website to find out more.

Whoseywhatsit Thursday: Writing Prompt!

2011-12-15T09:00:00.000-05:00

It's time for another Whoseywhatsit writing prompt, from yours truly. This week's topic (no surprise) ...

Holidays

That's it. Just something to do with the holidays. Whether it's a tradition you celebrate, a shopping trip gone wrong, or something else together.

You have up to 250 words to get your character traveling - develop a flashback, write a poem, try something new, whatever you want. Post those words below and then comment on at least one other person's writing. (You don't need to necessarily critique it, this isn't polished writing people!)

Ready. Set. Go!

(And here's mine ...)

Rayne stomped her feet on the mat outside their Manhattan high rise. She'd hardly had a chance to step in dirty snow between the cab and the swinging glass doors, but the doorman would pitch a fit if she didn't at least make a show of cleaning off her boots.

He held the door open and she tossed him a grin. One that would never reach her dimple, much less her eyes.

The lobby looked like a Christmas tree lot gone wrong. White and green trees made a half-assed attempt at a pattern throughout the room. Twinkling lights blinked at her from every direction and were bound to give a senior citizen a stroke. Each tree had some sort of unique decorative theme, probably an attempt at an employee contest.

Rayne hitched her backpack further up her shoulder and clip-clopped her way across the marble lobby.

She nudged the button for the elevator and listened to instrumental carols as they filtered into the small, mirrored box.

It was almost a relief to step into the barren penthouse suite, devoid of any holiday ornamentation. Devoid of her mother, who was off in Europe on a ski vacation. Or something.

It was almost a relief.

Almost.

Writer's Wednesday: The First 250

2011-12-14T08:00:00.000-05:00

This post has been brewing in my mind for awhile. There are so many contests and critiques and blog posts about the first 250 words. So much EMPHASIS on them.

I'm going to be totally honest.

I think it's kinda ridiculous.

Yes, agents and editors are SUPER busy and make snap judgments based on very little sample. Sometimes the first 250, sometimes less. Sometimes more.

And, yes, SOME readers will look at the opening pages of a novel in the store to decide whether or not to buy it. But not all. (I personally have never done this. I decide whether to buy a novel based on the jacket copy and/or recommendations from friends.) And I'm not aware of anyone who reads the first 250 words utterly blind. An agent will have read your query; a reader will have seen the cover and title at the very least, and likely read the jacket copy.

I'm not saying the first 250 words aren't important. They are. But I think a little too much emphasis is put on them sometimes, and I DEFINITELY think people have wrong ideas about what should or shouldn't be in them.

If you weren't on vacation or hiding last week, you are aware of the Miss Snarks First Victim Bakers Dozen Agent Auction. In the critique portion of the auction, I saw lots of comments about starting in the middle of the action, or having paranormal or fantastical elements if it was a paranormal or fantasy entry.

Look at the first 250 words of THE HUNGER GAMES. I'm not sure how much I can post, so you can do the Look Inside thing at Amazon if you don't have it (why don't you HAVE IT?!). Did ya look? Hmm...no action. Waking up (which we are all told is a no-no). Only one sentence, that, in my opinion, raises interest: "This is the day of the reaping." And while that's intriguing, it could be completely mundane. "Reaping" could refer to actual reaping of crops. The reader probably knows it means something ominous because they've read the jacket copy.

Look at the first 250 words of HEX HALL (and let me just say, I kind of worship Rachel Hawkins, and DEMONGLASS is my favorite book of 2011). Again, nothing earth-shattering going on, and no hint of the paranormal element. (And it's a prologue, which we're also told is a no-no.)

My point is, there is no one way to do the first 250 words. There's no formula. There's only THIS WORKS and THIS DOESN'T WORK. Get some good, trustworthy critique partners and let them help you figure it out.

And don't try to apply weird arbitrary "rules" to the first 250 words of your project or anyone else's.

(In typical weird hive-mind fashion, both Agent Jill Corcoran and Authoress herself have recently blogged about this as well. Their posts are definitely worth reading, so check them out.)

What do you think about the first 250 words? What do you like to see or not see in them?

Trailer Tuesday: Everything You Need to Survive the Apocalypse

2011-12-13T08:22:00.000-05:00

On January 3rd, be on the lookout for Everything You Need to Survive the Apocalypse by debut author, Lucas Klauss. This book will be here before you know it. And while the cover doesn't necessarily grab me, the title and trailer certainly do. If you haven't seen the trailed yet, it's definitely worth a watch.

A male perspective on sorting love from loss, faith from fear—brimming with humor and romance. Phillip’s sophomore year is off to a rough start. One of his best friends ditches him. His track coach singles him out for personalized, torturous training sessions. And his dad decides to clean out all of the emergency supplies from the basement, even though the world could end in disaster at any moment...and even though those supplies are all Phillip has left of his dead mom. Not that he wants to talk about that.

But then Phillip meets Rebekah. Not only is she unconventionally hot and smart, but she might like him back. As Phillip gets closer to Rebekah, he tries harder and harder to turn himself into the kind of person he thinks she wants him to be. But the question is, can he become that person? And does he really want to?

So --- what do you think? Will you be adding it to your TBR pile?

SQUISHY MIDDLES

2011-12-08T10:25:00.001-05:00

credit

No, I'm not talking about the way we're all feeling between Thanksgiving and New Years. Cookies and pies, candy, turkeys and hams, partypartyparty. I know I always get to feeling a pinch in the waistband... This isn't about food-induced pants spreading, though. This is about the Squishy Middle Syndrome.

Some writers fall prey to it in their books, others in their series. I know I've read some right awful stinker sequels lately. Like "never going to read another book in that series" AWFUL. As far as I'm concerned, publishers really have no excuse for foisting off squishy-middle books on their buying public. Sequels should be as good as the predecessors. Yes, dammit. I did just rattle that saber. They expect way more of our writing when reading submissions.

So how do we avoid becoming victims of Squishy Middle Syndrome?

Get a good group of trusted peers to critique your work. I know my CPs and beta readers amaze me with their brilliance. You could join a writer community like YALITCHAT where there are many peer critique groups.
Know what your story is about, not just who. Yes, there really is a difference. Sure, a girl with a sad life meets a boy with strange powers that makes her heart race is nice, but what happens after, and what is the story really telling us? Where's the Hook? Having a hook makes avoiding SMS that much easier.
Plot. Don't groan and grumble at me. I know lots of people are 'discovery writers' but if you put some thought into figuring out points A, B, and C you're one step closer to avoiding SMS. I used to be a serious Pantser with only minor Plotitudinal tendencies. But the more points in the loose outline I filled in the fewer corners I wrote myself into, and the less middles I had to revise within an inch of what they were.
Read. Read books that work, that the industry loves (even if you don't), so you know what works in a plot. Then read your own work. Put it aside for a little while, then read it like a reader would.

That's about all I've got for ideas. If you have tricks for escaping the dreaded SMS that will push readers like me away, please share!

Depth in Streets, Avenues, & Alleyways

2011-12-07T07:00:00.000-05:00

Characters can be so much fun to work with. That's my favorite part of writing. I tend to get a flash of an idea for a plot, and where that comes from no one knows. Do-do-do... Usually, immediately after that, an image pops into my head. Sometimes it's detailed, while other times it's not.

credit

I may see hair color or a simple crook at the corner of said character's grin. A scarf may suddenly appear around the character's neck, or I may get the sense of shyness or even a tendency to back away as if he/she is hiding something. Maybe running or avoiding.

There are many ways in which a writer can add depth to a character. I'm going to focus on dressing the character as if he/she is a blank mannequin. We'll leave story, plot and other elements for another post.

Physical Features: this is an avenue that can take all sorts of directions and usually is one of the first to direct a reader as to who the character is. There is so much fun to have here. Take chances with these. We never know the links we can create throughout the story by adding a simple nose ring or maybe blue eyes.
Chosen Physical Appears: basically I'm referring to a character's fashion sense. Each of us has individuality when it comes to our choice of attire. Think carefully about putting those combat boots on the debutante girl and why she'd wear them. Is she trying to tick off her parents. Or maybe she's involved in some secret society. Either way, risk it but have a reason.
Background: this is the simple one, yet hard all in the same thought. We can do anything with our character's pasts as long as it leads the reader to the beginning of THIS story, the one you're writing right now. Some information you dream up might be the most fantastical and interesting elements to a character, yet it does not fit or add to the story. It does not move the story forward. Leave it out, but make sure you save it for another story. You never know when it might come in handy.
Likes and Dislikes: just like each of us, our characters need to enjoy and/or avoid aspects of their world, whether you've created a new world or not. Give them a dislike that's challenging and bounces of their world, making it harder for them to move forward.
Emotional Baggage: I HEART this part of deepening a character and could write a series about it! You can take the psyche of a character and intertwine it within the plot, subplots, interactions with secondary characters, their world, and all four of the above elements. The choices you make here to deepen the character will have a profound affect on the entire story. Emotions move, motivate, and inspire plot.

How do you imagine your characters? Does it come in a flash? Do you outline their characteristics or do a character interview?

TBR Tuesday: Why We Broke Up

2011-12-06T08:56:00.004-05:00

Why We Broke Up was one of those books that sat on my ARC pile for quite a while. The cover seemed cute enough, but the premise was not one that sucked me in. A character whining about why she broke up? Really?

But I was sooo glad I picked it up and read it. Min has an amazing voice and I adored all the references to old films. I've seen some people complain about the run-on sentences (and they can sometimes go for a page) but I actually enjoyed them and felt they fit the character. I could easily picture this girl, her heart broken, sitting in the car writing a letter to her ex. THIS is how I would write it.

So go add Why We Broke Up to your Goodreads account and pick it up when it comes out!!

And while you're waiting, head over to the Why We Broke Up project and share your stories. Or head over to Daniel Handler's alter-ego, Lemony Snicket :)

Goodreads Synopsis:

I'm telling you why we broke up, Ed. I'm writing it in this letter, the whole truth of why it happened.

Min Green and Ed Slaterton are breaking up, so Min is writing Ed a letter and giving him a box. Inside the box is why they broke up. Two bottle caps, a movie ticket, a folded note, a box of matches, a protractor, books, a toy truck, a pair of ugly earrings, a comb from a motel room, and every other item collected over the course of a giddy, intimate, heartbreaking relationship. Item after item is illustrated and accounted for, and then the box, like a girlfriend, will be dumped.

Whoseywhatsit Thursday: Crit Style

2011-12-01T08:00:00.000-05:00

It's the first Thursday of the month (actually, the first DAY of the month--OMG can you believe it's DECEMBER?!) which means it's time for another critique sign-up!

This month, I thought we'd explore EMOTION. Have you ever had your heart speed up while writing a scene? Start bawling to the point where you had to stop writing because you couldn't see the screen? Feel sick to your stomach when your character got into a sticky situation?

Have you ever then sent those scenes to beta readers or critique partners and gotten a response like, "Eh, I'm not feeling this." "I don't understand why she's crying here." "I'm confused."

If you have an emotionally heavy scene (could be anything: romantic, scary, embarrassing, whatever), here's your opportunity to see if it works.

If you are interested in a critique of up to 500 words of an emotional scene from your YA novel, please comment with your email address. We will draw a name after noon on Sunday, email the winner, and post our comments next Thursday.

Writer's Wednesday: Where in the World are Crit Partners?

2011-11-30T09:48:00.001-05:00

On my own blog Monday I wrote about how awesome my crit partners are and how it's essential to have a good working relationship with your crit partners because they tend to do much more than just critique your work.

Well, throughout yesterday, I got a few emails and a comment on the post asking me where I found my CPs and is there anywhere I recommend going for them. And it got me thinking that it might be worthwhile to do a post about that. I know when I was looking for CPs, I was at a loss to where to find one. So, I hope you'll bear with me with this post.

First some upfront caveats, I'm sure there are many, many other options than the ones I'm going to be listing, but I've personally used each and everyone of these websites and had good experiences with them, so that's why I'm mentioning them. As with all things personal, your mileage may vary.

Tred carefully with finding new partners. Make sure you're a good fit and be very explicit of what you're looking for. Also, it's a good idea to find out how thick your skin is and what kind of crit you're ready for. In the beginning, my skin was really thin and the tiniest bit of criticism hurt, but I gritted my teeth and now i'm fairly certain I can take a harsh crit. Although, I will admit, I've had crits recently that have made me cry. So, know your tolerance level.

Okay, that being said, lets get into the good stuff. The list of websites I used to find my own crit partners.

Absolutewrite.com--This is an excellent place for learning the ropes about all sides of publishing including finding beta readers and crit partners. They're also great for researching agents/publishers and everything in between. They DO have a place to "show your work," but make sure you're ready for all kinds of critiques. I have found that while they're intentions are in the right place and most have great advice, they tend to be a bit harsh in their crits.

YaLitchat--a lot of you already know about this website, but for those of you who don't. it's a website designed specifically for writers of YA. They have a wide range of members there. From newbies to NYT best-selling authors, agents, and editors. They're a great resource for finding writing friends and CPs, (which is where I found all the lovely ladies on this blog. :) ) and they have places to help perfect query letters and synopsis', not to mention the first few pages of your MS. They also have actual teens willing to read and give feedback, among many, many more things. I'm still finding my way around there, but even with only the free membership you get a lot of great things.

Verla Kay's blueboards--It's similar to absolutewrite, but stricter on what is allowed there and what's not. Which is excellent, IMHO, because you won't run into some of the train wrecks that can take place on the AW boards. But this, like yalitchat is only for children's books writers. The people here are again from all aspects of writing. From newbies, to NYT bestsellers, agents, editors, and everyone in between. And EVERYONE is awesomely nice. You really coudln't find a greater group of people.

And lastly, weBook. Now I know this is a display site, so there are more caveats with this one than the others. I got a really great reaction to the parts of stories I had placed here when I was first starting and so in that regard, it was really great for me because I needed the boost to my self-esteem. I also found my best friend and first CP who showed me the ropes of writing. I found a lot of great writers there actually, but they've made some changes to things since I left after getting my agent. And I don't agree with a lot of them. There is something there called agent-in-box. I HIGHLY recommend NOT using that service if you're querying. There's no need. Everything you'd be paying them to do, you can do for free on your own. Also, if you do place some of your work online, be careful. There are a lot of things that can go wrong with that, so just keep that in mind.

Okay, this post has gotten a bit long, so I'll end here, but feel free to leave me any questions you have in the comments. I'll be more than happy to answer them. And if I get a lot of the same questions, I'll probably do a post on it, so please feel free to ask me anything.

TBR Tuesday with Kelley York and HUSHED

2011-11-29T08:00:00.001-05:00

I had the pleasure of reading an advanced copy of Kelley York's HUSHED from Entangled Publishing, and let me tell you, if you like dark, upper YA, you do NOT want to miss this debut. (You can read my review here.)

He's saved her. He's loved her. He's killed for her.

Eighteen-year-old Archer couldn't protect his best friend, Vivian, from what happened when they were kids, so he's never stopped trying to protect her from everything else. It doesn't matter that Vivian only uses him when hopping from one toxic relationship to another - Archer is always there, waiting to be noticed.

Then along comes Evan, the only person who's ever cared about Archer without a single string attached. The harder he falls for Evan, the more Archer sees Vivian for the manipulative hot-mess she really is.

But Viv has her hooks in deep, and when she finds out about the murders Archer's committed and his relationship with Evan, she threatens to turn him in if she doesn't get what she wants...And what she wants is Evan's death, and for Archer to forfeit his last chance at redemption.

'Kelley York delivers in this impressive debut. I was at the edge of my seat waiting to see what would happen next! Bottom line, this was unputdownable!!!' --- YA Fantasy Guide ---

Now that you're pumped to read the novel, we have the honor of posting a short author interview with Kelley York. We're so pleased she was able to stop by and answer a few questions.

Hi, Kelley. Thank you for joining us today at the Oasis. We know you must be slammed with all the pre-launch publicity, so we want to keep your interview short and sweet. Cut right to the chase, as it were. Just like your opening. Let me start by saying that this opening grabbed my attention and never let go. Without giving away any spoilers, how did you decided you wanted to start with such a gritty scene? Were you worried that readers would dislike your MC, Archer, by picking a starting point that portrayed him in a less-than-flattering light?

At the time, I didn't think about it. Later I did contemplate starting elsewhere. At one point, I tried reconstructing the second chapter to make it into my first, hinting at events from chapter one. Ultimately, though, I wanted people to see Archer in action at the start of the story. I thought if readers sympathized with him right away, then seeing that side of him later would be jarring.

As writers ourselves, we are always curious about where other authors come up with their ideas. How did the idea for HUSHED come about?

It all started with Archer! I never think of plots first. Or, should I say, I never finish anything that started as a plot idea! I do better creating characters and letting them tell me their stories. So I had the idea for Archer, then Vivian, then Evan...and I put them all together and let the chaos ensue.

I really admired that while HUSHED isn't an "issue" novel, the MC has to come to terms with his sexuality. Did you set out to try to write a novel that would portray this decision in such a positive light, or was it just a natural part of the story that had to be told?

Completely natural. I never wanted HUSHED to be a coming-out story, because Archer—much like me when I was a teenager—doesn't have any problems realizing he's attracted to someone of the same sex. Honestly, he's more surprised he's attracted to anyone other than Vivian.

What's the one thing you want readers to take away after reading HUSHED?

I really, really wanted to write something different. If nothing else, I'd like people to walk away from HUSHED (whether they loved it or hated it) thinking 'I haven't read anything quite like that before.'

We're also looking for advice to share with aspiring writers. What's your best tip for developing three-dimensional characters (like Archer, Evan and Vivian)?

Question everything! Anytime your character does or thinks something, ask yourself why. Why are they shy, selfish, clumsy, oblivious? Why do they have the quirks they do? Why and how did they build the relationships in their life? It doesn't have to be information you include in your story, but keep it in mind when you write. Knowing every motivation of your characters opens up a lot of new doors as to what you can do with them.

BONUS QUESTION: You're stranded on a desert Oasis and you can only have one other author there with you. Who would you pick and why?

Oh, oh! John Lennon wrote books, so can I choose him?! ...Granted, he's dead, so I'd be stuck there with an urn, but..

So there you have it. Be sure to check out HUSHED on Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

Author Bio:

Kelley was born and raised in central California, where she still resides
with her lovely wife, daughter, and an abundance of pets. (Although she
does fantasize about moving across the globe to Ireland.) She has a
fascination with bells, adores all things furry - be them squeaky, barky
or meow-y - is a lover of video games, manga and anime, and likes to
pretend she's a decent photographer. Her life goal is to find a real
unicorn. Or maybe a mermaid.

Within young adult, she enjoys writing and reading a variety of genres
from contemporary with a unique twist, psychological thrillers,
paranormal/urban fantasy and horror. She loves stories where character
development takes center stage.

Kelley's website: http://www.kelley-york.com/blog

Thankful What???

2011-11-24T06:30:00.000-05:00

What better way to celebrate Thanksgiving Day than to think about all we are grateful for?? And here, on Oasis for YA, we have lots of reasons to give thanks.

We share a joint love for Young Adult literature, which, I believe, can change the world.
We welcomed a new Oasis Sister this year, Larissa!
The publishing world is ever-changing, giving us more say in our futures.
Collectively, we belong to YAlitchat-the most amazing YA writing community.
Each of the Oasis Sisters has gained ground in the writing/publishing/marketing/platform world.

Jessie just celebrated her release of DESTINED!
Jessica is fast at edits for her book deal!
AE is out on sub with eleven publishers!
Nikki is hard at work on her stories and has material out with agents!
Larissa is working on her stories and is as much a ray of encouragement as ever!
And me, one of my short stories was just published in a collection of short stories. (Yeah, in a real book!) I have material out with agents and am hearing positive responses.

Mostly, we are thankful for YOU, our devoted followers. Thank you for choosing to follow us and join in on YA discussions, as well as sharing our love and journeys in the publishing world.

The Oasis Sisters

Now, what are you thankful for this Thanksgiving Day?

WRITER WEDNESDAY: Writing UP Your Characters

2011-11-23T10:26:00.004-05:00

I have a total pet peeve. (Actually, I have several, but this one pertains to reading ... and writing) ... It's when authors dumb down their characters.

Now, I'm not talking about your teen main character. We've all heard that you should talk "up" to your readers and that teens are very intelligent beings.

I'm talking about the little siblings (or the best friend's younger siblings). There's nothing I despise more than the description of a five-year-old running around with a lollipop, sticky hands touching every surface as they shout out "poop."

While that may happen every once in a great while, it's a rarity. My four-year-old asks extremely detailed and thought-provoking questions. "Mom, have those mountains been there millions of years?" My nine-year-old has been doing theater for several years and knows more about Mamma Mia than I do.

And most teens don't look at their siblings like they're complete idiots. The older sister may be annoyed, or embarrassed, of her younger brother ... but she's also normally very proud of him.

I know there's a fine line of making a younger child seem too intelligent, but at the very least, opt for interesting. Give her a hobby (most five year-olds I know are already playing sports or are learning a musical instrument). Have him obsessed with a topic (dinosaurs, trains, geography, or pop trivia).

And yes, your siblings can fight. That's a given. Just don't make it over a six-year-old spilling Kool-Aid on your main character's white dress :)

TBR Tuesday: Clockwork Prince

2011-11-22T09:00:00.000-05:00

This one is kind of a no-brainer, but when I went looking for upcoming releases to spotlight, it jumped out at me.

CLOCKWORK PRINCE!!! Yay!

It comes out December 6, and I cannot wait.

Here's the description:

In the magical underworld of Victorian London, Tessa Gray has at last found safety with the Shadowhunters. But that safety proves fleeting when rogue forces in the Clave plot to see her protector, Charlotte, replaced as head of the Institute. If Charlotte loses her position, Tessa will be out on the street—and easy prey for the mysterious Magister, who wants to use Tessa’s powers for his own dark ends.

With the help of the handsome, self-destructive Will and the fiercely devoted Jem, Tessa discovers that the Magister’s war on the Shadowhunters is deeply personal. He blames them for a long-ago tragedy that shattered his life. To unravel the secrets of the past, the trio journeys from mist-shrouded Yorkshire to a manor house that holds untold horrors, from the slums of London to an enchanted ballroom where Tessa discovers that the truth of her parentage is more sinister than she had imagined. When they encounter a clockwork demon bearing a warning for Will, they realize that the Magister himself knows their every move—and that one of their own has betrayed them.

Tessa finds her heart drawn more and more to Jem, but her longing for Will, despite his dark moods, continues to unsettle her. But something is changing in Will—the wall he has built around himself is crumbling. Could finding the Magister free Will from his secrets and give Tessa the answers about who she is and what she was born to do?

As their dangerous search for the Magister and the truth leads the friends into peril, Tessa learns that when love and lies are mixed, they can corrupt even the purest heart.

I have ADORED every one of Cassandra Clare's books, and I cannot wait to read more about Tessa, Will, and Jem. Plus, check out Cassie's website for information about MULTIPLE special extras in different exclusive editions of the book. (B&N, Book Depository, and Walmart all have different exclusives! Wow!)

So, are you excited for Clockwork Prince? Which do you like better: The Mortal Instruments or The Infernal Devices?

P.S. If you haven't read any Cassie Clare (OMG what's wrong with you?!), go out RIGHT NOW and start with City of Bones. You can thank me later.

Happy Book Birthday, DESTINED!

2011-11-17T06:00:00.000-05:00

Today I am SO SUPER excited to have the honor of wishing ourfabulous Oasis sister, Jessie Harrell a happy book birthday! (*also, I have the feeling it’s herREAL birthday, too! So happy double birthdays!)

I know I speak for all of us here at the Oasis when I say weare so excited and happy and proud of you, Jessie! It’s been an honor and a privilege to get to work with youand know you and to be able to count you as one of my friends! To many more birthdays AND books! Slainte and GoN-Eiri An T-Adh Leat (cheers and good luck)!

HUGS from all of us! For you AND the fabulous DESTINED.

And now onto the juicy stuff because Jessie has some awesomestuff happening in conjunction with her release.

The absolutely GORGEOUS cover.

When Psyche receives a prophecy gone horribly wrong, shelearns that even the most beautiful girl in Greece can have a hideous future.Her fate? Fall in love with the one creature even the gods fear.

As she feels herself slipping closer into the arms of the prophecy, Psyche mustchoose between the terrifyingly tender touch she feels almost powerless toresist and the one constant she's come to expect out of life: you cannot escapewhat is destined.

Destined is a fresh and heart-achingly romantic retelling of the Cupid &Psyche myth from debut novelist, Jessie Harrell.

And as far as juicy things go, Good Choice Reading is hosting a blog tour that has a TON of giveaways and Jessie will be having another awesome giveaway on her personal blog today as well, so don't forget to go check those out.

You can find the fab Jessie Harrel in various places aroundthe interwebs. :) Here, of course. And her website, blog, twitter, andfacebook. Don’t forget to addDESTINED to goodreads and order it at Amazon.

This is an awesome story, all. You're not going to want to miss it. :D

Self-Publishing 102: Creating a Captivating Cover

2011-11-16T08:14:00.000-05:00

Welcome to another addition of Writer's Wednesday. A number of you seemed to enjoy my self-pub tips on the last go around, so I thought I'd share the nuts and bolts with you about creating a captivating cover.

I cannot emphasis enough that you do not want to skimp on your cover. This is the single-biggest marketing investment you will make in yourself. Unfortunately, if your cover looks unprofessional, readers will tend to assume that what's inside isn't any better.

Let me also point out that if you intend to publish paperback (or hard bound) copies of your novel, you have a lot more work cut out for you. Just making the front cover is relatively easy compared to creating a whole cover (including the spine and back). If you, like me, are not tech savvy, you will find you are entirely dependent on your cover designer to get the details right. Which means -- do your homework and pick someone you want to work with.

But for now, let's just start with the front cover and the artwork or photography that will grace it. Basically, you have three options: (1) use your own photo/art (un-comissioned); (2) buy stock photos/art; (3) commission photos/art.

Using your own photograph can yield good results if you or your designer have the skills to manipulate the photo well. The first example that comes to mind is book one in Willow Cross's Dark Gifts series. The girl on the cover is Willow's daughter and her neighbor was cover artist. If you can get lucky enough to have a free model and designer, go for it!

The next option -- to which most of us will be relegated -- is using stock photography and art. Here's my biggest concern about stock photography: anyone else can buy the same picture and use it on their cover. You'd think with the millions of images out there (check out iStockPhoto.com for example), that this wouldn't be a big concern. Unfortunately, it is. Just check out these examples if you don't believe me.

This this is problem is limited to Indie authors? Think again. This one shocked me when I saw it recently. While the dress and hair color had been changed, the girl is obviously the same in both photos.

The way I got around this with Destined was to look for art on DeviantArt.com. The image I fell in love with was not for sale (meaning it wasn't a stock image), but I contacted the artist to see if she'd be willing to sell me the rights to use it. She was not only flattered, but sold me rights at stock price. This is not always going to happen. Some artists won't want to sell; some will want exorbitant prices. But the bottom line is, you won't know if you don't ask. So what's the harm?

Finally, you can commission the cover art. That means either hiring an artist to digitally paint your cover or hiring a photographer to shoot a model and then manipulate the image into a cover. Here are some really stunning examples by Indie authors.

The most important benefit of spending this extra money is that no one will have a cover like yours. Plus, you get to pick every last detail. No worries about manipulating polka dots off pillows and making a dress look less modern (see my example above).

Don't forget when designing your cover that you will oftentimes need to pay for the right to commercially use the font you select (see dafont.com), but your cover artist should already own the digital brushes or be able to purchase them economically.

Finally, for your spine and back cover, how you format will depend on who you decide to use to print your books. I used Lightning Source and Create Space and both have different formats and templates. So yes, my designer had to put the full cover together twice (although, since I'm not tech savvy, I have no idea how much work this actually was). You're also going to need to know your final page count because that determines the width of your spine. Just some things to keep in mind.

Regardless of which route you take to create your cover, I recommend combing Amazon and Goodreads for covers that you love. Once you have an idea of what you like, it will make the process of selecting art/photography and a feel for your book that much easier. Just for fun, here are some of the covers that had me drooling when we created the Destined cover. Can you tell??

Have any questions or tips ? Please share!

TBR TUESDAY: A Million Suns by Beth Revis

2011-11-15T08:34:00.001-05:00

When I read the first chapter of Across the Universe online all those months ago, I was hooked. Then I read Across the Universe, and was awed and amazed, and the sci-fi nerd girl in me was squealing around on imaginary jetpacks. Well, y'all A Million Suns is due to release in January, and it's probably my most anticipated up coming book.

Look at the cover. How can you NOT love that, covet that, want to stroke the screen and coo to it? *le sigh*

Read this from the author's website:
Godspeed was once fueled by lies. Now it is ruled by chaos. It’s been three months. In that time, Amy has learned to hide who she is. Elder is trying to be the leader he’s always wanted to be. But as the ship gets more and more out of control, only one thing is certain: They have to get off the ship.
*SQUEE* (the squeal is mine)

Also from the author's blog:
When Elder learns harrowing news about the space ship Godspeed, he and Amy must work together to unlock a puzzle that was set in motion hundreds of years earlier, all the while dealing with the romance that’s growing between them and the chaos that threatens to tear them apart. It all boils down to one mind-bending conclusion: They have to get off this ship.

Sadly I can't find a book trailer yet. If I'd found It, I'm sure I would've watched it a half dozen times.

If you haven't Across the Universe yet, what are you waiting for?! There is a trailer for that book, and I'm adding it here to entice you to pick up ATU if you haven't already:

Whoseywhatsit Thursday: Writing Prompt!

2011-11-10T08:00:00.000-05:00

We were supposed to do critiques today but Jenny K hasn't emailed me her piece. Jenny, if you're out there, I sent you an email!!

So instead, we're going to do a writing prompt.

The holiday season is almost here, so everyone is gearing up for travel. And that's our prompt this time. With a twist. If you normally write Male POV, switch it to Female. If you normally write Female POV, switch it to Male!

You have up to 250 words to get your character traveling - develop a flashback, write a poem, try something new, whatever you want. Post those words below and then comment on at least one other person's writing. (You don't need to necessarily critique it, this isn't polished writing people!)

Ready. Set. Go!

(And here's mine ...)

Trent stared out the window, the expanse of blue outside the window making him cringe. Growing up in the middle of Tennessee, he hadn't spent much time near an ocean.

Shit, he hadn't spent any time near an ocean.

And yet, here he was. Eyes narrowed, trying to find an end to the damn thing. Because he needed a goal, something to focus on. Even an island would suffice. Maybe Cuba? The Caribbean? But who was he joking.

He couldn't even swim.

His mother slowed the rental car to a halt outside of some military issue gates. A guard stepped over, glared at their IDs and then at the two passengers. With a grunt, he motioned them forward.

Dick.

“It’s not too late, honey,” his mom said, her accent warm and heavy. “If you’re nervous, you don’t need to go.”

Trent shook his head. It had been too late for far too long. This was his escape. His way out of rural life, away from an asshole coach of a father, and away from his obsessive ex-girlfriend.

Nothing like traveling thousands of miles just to escape.

Image Source

Writer Wednesday: Echoes

2011-11-09T08:00:00.000-05:00

I'm finishing up a revision. *sigh*

And I know you all know what I'm talking about. But strangely, the last thing I fixed was the most difficult.

I have an echo problem. (Echo problem. Echo problem.) LOL.

Really, I'm sure almost all writers have them. Anyway, I have a couple I'm working on, but one in particular that was troublesome was STOMACH.

Yes. Stomach.

I know, right? WHY? Well, I think it's mostly because that's where I feel many emotions the strongest. And I do use a lot of other things, but apparently STOMACH stands out the most. *sigh*

So, to fix it, I did a search for the word stomach in my manuscript, and changed a lot of them. And to come up with a different way to get the same effect, I went to The Bookshelf Muse's Emotion Thesaurus.

If you weren't aware of it, you need to check it out. Angela Ackerman has amassed a treasure trove of different ways to show numerous emotions (and settings and personality traits, too!).

The nice thing is, now that my STOMACH issue has made itself so annoying, I will probably be more aware of it and it won't be such a big issue in my next manuscript. Of course, something else will just take its place.

Like the word just. *sigh*

And sighing. o.O

What are your echoes? And how do you go about fixing them?

TBR Tuesday: The Secret Sisterhood of Heartbreakers

2011-11-08T08:08:00.001-05:00

I just heard of this one last week and it caught my attention right away. Not sure what that says about me... but the point is, I WANT THIS BOOK.

The Secret Sisterhood of Heartbreakers
By: Lynn Weingarten
Book B-day: December 27, 2011
Publisher: HaperTeen
Pages: 352

When her boyfriend breaks up with her on the first day of sophomore year, Lucy has no idea how she’s going to make it through homeroom, let alone the rest of her life. Enter three stunning girls with a magical offer Lucy can’t refuse. All she has to do is get a guy to fall in love with her in the next seven days, and then…break his heart and collect one of his brokenhearted tears. As the girls teach Lucy how to hook a guy (with the help of a little magic), she quickly discovers how far she is willing to go—and who she is willing to cross—to get what she wants.

Fans of Lauren Myracle, Jodi Lynn Anderson, and Meg Cabot will love this tale of breakups, friendship, new crushes, and magic. Told with wit and charm, The Secret Sisterhood of Heartbreakers is sure to be one of this winter’s most irresistible reads!

Here's hoping for some Amazon gift cards for Christmas so I can download this one on my Kindle right away.

Whoseywhatsit Thursday: Crit Style

2011-11-03T13:10:00.003-04:00

It's yet another Whoseywhatsit Thursday: Crit Style! Our third, in fact. This is so exciting.

As with our others, we're looking for writers looking for critiques. This month we're letting it be "winner's choice." So, let's hear it, what do you have that you want to be critted?

Please keep it within reason, within the YA genre, and within a reasonable length. (Say no more than 500 or so words, but feel free to talk to us if what you want critted is a bit longer.)

Anyone interested in having their work critted by the Oasis Sisters please leave a comment below. Random.org will choose the lucky recipient, who will be notified via email. So please make sure to leave your email addresses in the comment section!

WRITER WEDNESDAY: Plot Vehicles

2011-11-02T08:30:00.000-04:00

The video is a bit of auditory candy. I mean, come on, Bo Bice's soulful, smokey blues voice is a treat any time, right? Even if it has little to nothing to do with this post... *cheezy grin*

Okay, so what are we talking about today? Plot vehicles. I'm sure there may be another industry term for these, but to me a trope used to push a plot forward is a vehicle. They are plot points, or happenings in a story that when boiled down to it's simplest essence appear in many stories. Now don't fret, I've heard said there are only 7 original stories and everything else is just new packaging. Also heard there's a fairly simple formula for any romance, regardless of paranormal, contemporary, dystopian... Basically, a romance distills to: boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl back. (Or boy/boy, girl/girl if that's your kind of story)

Dead parent/s: This usually sends the Main Character into a new environment where they find themselves/their true love and usually a lot of trouble.
Siblings: The MC finds out somewhere along the way their nemesis or love interest is actually their sibling.
Son/Daughter of the Big Bad Guy: The MC discovers they are the offspring of the big villain.
Misunderstanding: The MC and BF/GF have a misunderstanding that leads to that all important 'time apart' part of the story where they pine for each other.
Dead sibling/Significant Other: The MC lost someone, usually as part of backstory, and that loss haunts them, shaping their choices, or preventing them from finding love, etc, till they get past it.
Paranormal and Human relationship: The MC or their love interest is either paranormal, or human, and their Significant Other is the other. (built in tension of bridging the gap between them, loving despite their "issue)
Amnesia: probably one of my least favorite plot vehicles. The MC can't remember why they are the way they are, or who they are, or blah blah blah.
Kidnapping: Puts the MC in danger, exposes them to a new environment. The MC's often learn to rely on themselves and escape, or are saved by their Significant Other.
There's actually a chat going on tonight about this plot vehicle with two of Egmont's authors and you're all invited to join Beth Kephart (author of YOU ARE MY ONLY) and Kristina McBride author of THE TENSION OF OPPOSITES) as they talk about kidnapping in YA literature, their books, and much much more. And bring questions! www.egmontusa.com/authorchat/

Have any other Plot Vehicles? Please share!

TBR Tuesday: OPEN MINDS - Happy Release Day!!

2011-11-01T07:17:00.000-04:00

Earlier this year, I had the pleasure of reading the query letter for this story on YAlitchat. I remember being blown away. So when I heard that Susan Kaye Quinn decided to self-publishing it, taking the story's circulation in her hands, I couldn't wait to chat with her about. And I'm leaving out how excited I've been to get my hands on it!

But the wait is over!

Please join me in wishing a Happy Book Birthday to OPEN MINDS (the first in the Mindjack Trilogy) and Susan Kaye Quinn! Today is release day!

When everyone reads minds, a secret is a dangerous thing to keep.

Sixteen-year-old Kira Moore is a zero, someone who can't read thoughts or be read by others. Zeros are outcasts who can't be trusted, leaving her no chance with Raf, a regular mindreader and the best friend she secretly loves. When she accidentally controls Raf's mind and nearly kills him, Kira tries to hide her frightening new ability from her family and an increasingly suspicious Raf. But lies tangle around her, and she's dragged deep into a hidden world of mindjackers, where having to mind control everyone she loves is just the beginning of the deadly choices before her.

Susan's book is available in e-book form at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and Smashwords, and in print through Amazon and Createspace. ALSO, check out her website for the book - Mindjack Trilogy. It's awesome!

I'm fortunate enough to be a part of the OPEN MINDS book blog tour. If you'd like to know more--and trust me, you want be sorry--head over to MY POST and see what else Susan has to say about a world of mindreaders.

Whoseywhatsit Thursday: Computers

2011-10-27T08:00:00.000-04:00

I have the world's crappiest computer.

Okay, that's total hyperbole, but seriously. For a writer, my computer is utter crap. About two years ago, I went through Computer Hell: my laptop died, I managed to get everything off of it, then my (seriously old) desktop wouldn't hook up the the internet, so a friend gave me an old PC computer she wasn't using (she'd switched to Mac), THAT computer had a sleeper virus on it, and everything on it had to be erased.

So here I am, with a computer that works, but can't really be trusted online, and doesn't have sound anymore (got deleted--don't ask), and a desktop that runs like a snail. o.O

My birthday is coming up, and my husband wants to get me a computer, so now I am left with the age-old question:

Mac or PC?

Here's where I really have a dilemma. I have a friend whose husband's job sells gently-used MacBooks. But we have no idea when that will happen. Could be soon, could be six months from now.

I have heard all the arguments about Macs being better, and how much most writers love their Macs. But I definitely can't afford a new one. And, although I know they're better, I am more familiar with PCs and I'm comfortable with them.

Then again, my last new PC only lasted three years before it completely died on me, and my parents have a Mac so old the guys at the Apple Store were flabbergasted.

So what should I do, O readers? Get a new PC laptop? Wait for the bargain gently used one? Sacrifice a chicken?

Tell me and share what computer you use in the comments!

Writer's Wednesday: Forming Your Own Publishing House

2011-10-26T08:08:00.000-04:00

As many of you know, I'm in the throes of self-publishing my novel. I had MANY author friends (including my Oasis Sisters) to lean on for help and guidance, so I thought I'd share some of what I've learned with any of you considering the same route.

One of the first things you may be wondering if you're thinking about self-publishing is why some authors take the time to set up a "publishing house," which is really nothing more than themselves.

Why bother with this, you may ask? A number of reasons.

* Added credibility. Your publisher on Goodreads and Amazon won't be listed as CreateSpace or whoever else you use to print your novels. You get to fill a publisher's name in the blank. (With so many big houses having lesser-known imprints these days, most readers probably won't take time to distinguish you from them.)

* You can purchase your own ISBN number. Many companies that want to sell you an ISBN charge a huge mark-up. The process is pretty painless and it's worth it to DIY. Plus, you are not truly the publisher unless you purchase the ISBN yourself.

* When you're setting up accounts with Amazon or Lightning Source, etc., they want a business name. My Amazon user ID (like a stock symbol) is based on my publishing name, not Jessie Harrell. It's my belief that having a publishing name makes the application process for these companies easier.

* When you're ready to put your second, third, fourth, novels out there, you can publish them under a unified banner. Once your "company" has multiple titles, it will be easier to get into the catalogs for Expended Distribution or be considered for purchase by libraries, etc.

* Vanity. If I'm being honest, I like that there's a publisher's name on the spine of my book and on the title page. I endeavored to make my novel as closely resemble a traditionally-published novel as I could, and this just made it one step closer for me.

In case you're curious, my publishing name is Mae Day Publishing (can you tell I thought I'd need rescue?) To do this, I registered my fictitious name with the State and ran an inexpensive ad in the local paper. Blamo. Now I'm a publisher. I even got really cutesy and drew myself a logo -- this is my boss' dog, Mae, the paper-eating pooch who was really the inspiration for the name.

Got any questions? I'm happy to drop by and answer them throughout the day. Writers helping writers -- I'm just paying it forward.

Anyone have any other really compelling reasons to create your own publishing company before you self publish? Please share!

TBR Tuesday: ARTICLE 5

2011-10-25T12:34:00.000-04:00

I'm a little late today, because my mind is way not on this planet right now. :) But I'm ecstatic to bring you the novel I can't wait for everyone to read. I've actually already read thanks to our mutual editor, but I couldn't resist because it is awesome!

Also, Kristen is pretty awesome herself and I'll be buying a few copies to give away here and on my own personal blog when it comes out so make sure to come back on Valentine's Day 2012 to find details on that.

I love dystopians (obviously), but this was the only one that got my blood boiling a mere 5 pages into the MS. I was at my daughter's pediatrician raving to the doctor about how AWFUL the government in this society is, which sparked a 20-minute conversation about the possibility of it happening to us in real life. I did not like thinking of that possibility, but that's the point of books, to make it easier to talk about an uncomfortable subject.

Anyway, here's the deets on it (from Kristen's website and goodreads):

New York, Los Angeles, and Washington, DC have been abandoned. The Bill of Rights has been revoked, and replaced with the Moral Statutes.
There are no more police—instead, there are soldiers. There are no more fines for bad behavior—instead, there are arrests, trials and maybe worse. People who get arrested don’t usually come back.
Seventeen-year-old Ember Miller is old enough to remember that things weren’t always this way. Living with her rebellious single mother, it’s hard to forget that people weren’t always arrested for reading the wrong books or staying out after dark. That life in the United States used to be different.
In the three years since the war ended, Ember has perfected the art of keeping a low profile. She knows how to get the things she needs—like food stamps and hand-me-down clothes—and how to pass the random home inspections by the Federal Bureau of Reformation. Her life is as close to peaceful as circumstances allow. That is, until her mother is arrested for noncompliance with Article 5 of the Moral Statutes. And what’s worse, one of the arresting officers is none other than Chase Jennings…the only boy Ember has ever loved.

No thank you.

2011-10-20T08:30:00.000-04:00

*borrowed from a DeviantArt artist*

Have you ever finished a book and were really, REALLY sorry you went along for the ride? Yeah. I'm riding that Struggle Bus right now. I just closed the cover on a book that felt like a total car wreck.

First thought: wishing I had the hours back I spent reading it.

Second thought/s: contrived, artifice, ridiculous, insulting, riding the cash cow till it spits...

Third thought: What can I learn from that bit of bonfire fodder?

Things I've learned. (Can be construed as tips...)
1.) Readers are smarter than given credit. They are going to see the plot points that aren't right and it will turn them off.
2.) Contrived conflict and tension are visible.
3.) In regards to 1 and 2, when these things occur in a book, readers will feel insulted.
4.) Sometimes, it's best to let a good thing end. It gives you a chance to move on to something even greater.
5.) If you must continue past the point of a logical and satisfying end, please build on what's established and don't create new things not mentioned in the previous books. It feels very false.
And finally...
6.) Maybe I'm just a picky bitch. But I'm glad I didn't pay for that hardcover rubbish. And I will not recommend that book/series to anyone. Ever.

I'm sure we've all read stinkers. Any one learn anything good for a bad book they'd like to share?

The Art of Conflict

2011-10-19T06:01:00.000-04:00

For the most part, when I begin writing a new story of any kind or length I keep in mind what draws me into a tale. I think about characters, natural effects, inner workings, motivations/purpose, misunderstandings, settings/world building, and the physical.

So what enhances the elements I listed about? Tension. Suspense. Mystery. Questioning.

Basically CONFLICT. The intensity or subtlety of conflict surely varies from scene to scene, chapter to chapter, story to story. But what's most important is that you use it.

So how do we thread conflict throughout our stories without being too obvious about it?

Let's break it down into seven parts, because I like the number seven. I can halve it perfectly, placing three on one side and three on the other.

1. COC or Characteristics of Character - develop personality traits of characters that differ from each other. Put them in opposition. Use one character's demeanor against another's. Character changes due to past experiences can butt heads with the current reality, making for great tension and suspense.

2. Natural Effects - differences in gender are always useful and can be fun to play with. The weather or a specific plight in your world building can work, too. Family dynamics such as parents, other siblings, and extended family or friends can also be used to deepen a story line, which can take on a new life if used in subplots.

3. Inner Workings - this is where a story can really take off, drawing the reader inside the character and making them care. That is so important. Make them care. (Exercise to do while writing: think of your own life & experiences. What emotional conflicts have you or someone close to you experienced? What about mental struggles. For instance, the kid in school who just can't grasp the concept of mathematics or despises gym class. Other interesting areas in our inner realm could be self-doubt, guilt, pompousness, no-drive, depression, fear...we could go on and on.)

Middle/Balance Conflict

7. Motivation/Purpose - you might think this could be listed under Inner and it could. But I wanted to separate it because of its importance. A character and a story plot must have a reason for existing in the first place or once again...who cares? And who decides on said motivation? The writer. So ask yourself question like:

what are my motivations for writing this story? Do I have a purpose, a lesson to teach? Am I sending a greater message?

3. Misunderstandings - Does it frustrate you when a writer sets up subplots to simply confuse or muddle the main plot, motivations, and purpose of the story? It sure does me, but it is extremely effective to keep me reading or watching. NOTE: but it must have a purpose and move the story forward.

2. Settings/World Building - Setting and world building can give imbalance to a story when need be, creating a sense of urgency, heightening the tension, and adding to the suspense. Taking two characters, who are already at odds with each other because of any of the above, and transplanting them in an unfamiliar environment can show character weaknesses and flaws.

1. The Physical - it could be a knockdown fist fight or a heated argument. You might use a group of people rioting or kids at a school pep rally or event gone wrong. Conflict can also be physically found on the romantic front, especially when it appears one half of the couple is playing hard to get or genially doesn't like the other. Mix in some physical meddling from another character, and you could have one heck of a conflict.

When developing conflict, remember it's a gradual succession of building blocks to keep the reader engaged. You have an infinite number of blocks to play with. Use them.

TBR Tuesday: Wanderlove

2011-10-18T09:01:00.005-04:00

Wanderlove has been one of my favorite ARCs to read this year. I simply adore Kirsten Hubbard, and this book is amazing!! So, even though this book isn't coming out until March - you should go pre-order it NOW or add it to your Goodreads account so you don't forget!!

Wanderlove is a contemporary novel that follows Bria as she travels to Central America in a journey of self-discovery and to escape some of the things that have been happening back home. What she doesn't expect is to have an adventure of a lifetime! If you read Like Mandarin, you know Kirsten has a beautiful way of describing her setting and making it a character on its own - and this book is no exception. If that's not enough, she also drew the pictures inside the novel.

Goodreads Synopsis:

It all begins with a stupid question:

Are you a Global Vagabond?

No, but 18-year-old Bria Sandoval wants to be. In a quest for independence, her neglected art, and no-strings-attached hookups, she signs up for a guided tour of Central America—the wrong one. Middle-aged tourists with fanny packs are hardly the key to self-rediscovery. When Bria meets Rowan, devoted backpacker and dive instructor, and his outspokenly humanitarian sister Starling, she seizes the chance to ditch her group and join them off the beaten path.

Bria's a good girl trying to go bad. Rowan's a bad boy trying to stay good. As they travel across a panorama of Mayan villages, remote Belizean islands, and hostels plagued with jungle beasties, they discover what they've got in common: both seek to leave behind the old versions of themselves. And the secret to escaping the past, Rowan’s found, is to keep moving forward.

But Bria comes to realize she can't run forever, no matter what Rowan says. If she ever wants the courage to fall for someone worthwhile, she has to start looking back.

Kirsten Hubbard lends her artistry into this ultimate backpacker novel, weaving her drawings into the text. Her career as a travel writer and her experiences as a real-life vagabond backpacking Central America are deeply seeded in this inspiring story

Make sure to pick up this book when it comes out, and in the meantime you can find Kirsten on her blog and on Twitter.

Critiquing the Query

2011-10-13T08:31:00.000-04:00

Critiquing the query. Sort of sounds like "romancing the stone." And yes, that's a pretty random comparison, but it IS Whoseywhatsit Thursday after all. If I can't be random today, then pretty much all randomness has got to be out.

* Note: I have never actually seen this movie *

Today, a brave soul who shall not remain nameless (ahem, Jennifer Hartsock) has shared her query with the "Oasis Sisters" (as we like to refer to ourselves) and we are offering up our feedback. We had LOTS more feedback to offer Jennifer and we sent ALL of our comments to her. (If you win one of our crit contests, we'll do the same for you too.) But, in the interest of blog space (and reader fatigue), we're posting a more condensed version of our critiques -- just to give you a flavor. Our comments all appear in red.

If you have any other thoughts to add, I'm sure Jennifer would love to hear them. What did you think? Do our suggestions work? Or are we off-base?

ORIGINAL QUERY:

Dear Ms./Mr. Agent,

I’m seeking representation for my 62,000 word YA novel, Battleground, which portrays the real and sometimes harsh realities of growing up in today’s society.

Sixteen-year-old Lilly Dawson has always been best friends with God, until she meets Gabriel Parker, an intriguing, yet self-destructive atheist. Lilly is determined to reform him, but doesn’t expect to fall in love. Parker unveils kinks in her faith, but as their relationship grows, he is unexpectedly influenced by her kind heart. When Parker is arrested for possession and sent to a boarding school, Lilly loses faith, and now, she can’t figure out where she stands with God. Is Parker’s fate in his own hands, or bound to his own conflicted destiny? When Parker is released early, he seems to slip further into the arms of trouble. Now, Lilly must decide where her faith truly lies; in intriguing though destructive relationship, or rediscovering faith, love and identity for herself.

I received first place for the Elli Writes Monthly Writing Contest in August of 2011. While earning my B.A. in English and minor in business, I work as an English tutor for the community college, as well as opinion editor of the college’s weekly student newspaper, The Commuter. I offer critique and editorial services, and have edited fiction and short stories for publication. I am a member of the non-profit organization YALITCHAT, and maintain a writer’s blog.

Thank you for considering Battleground to add to your list of books.

Sincerely,

Jennifer M. Hartsock

JESSICA’S CRITIQUE (Jess had the most to say, so I'm starting with her - the rest of our critiques are condensed.)

Hi Jennifer! Thanks for sharing your query with us for critique. My comments will be in red.

Dear Ms./Mr. Agent,

I’m seeking representation for my 62,000 word YA novel, Battleground, which portrays the real and sometimes harsh realities of growing up in today’s society. Starting off with this is fine, I know my agent prefers to have this sentence first, but bare in mind that some prefer for this sentence to be below the synopsis. Also, I think you should be a bit more revealing on your genre here. It’s YA and it sounds like a contemporary romance from this sentence, but when you read further it seems very much an Inspirational read. Also, I'd really like to see more about what makes this story unique. Realities of growing up is very broad. How about mentioning what sets it apart? In your case, I'd say the religious explorations of the main character. Since that is such a specialized genre and not everyone can sell to that market you’ll want to state that up front and probably target only agents/publishers that work and have contacts in that genre. And that leads to this would be a great place to put the specific personal reason(s) you queried this agent.

Sixteen-year-old Lilly Dawson has always been best friends with God, until she meets Gabriel Parker, an intriguing, yet self-destructive atheist. I haven’t read your story, so I don’t what your voice sounds like, which could be a problem for you when you query because some agents only want the query, which means the voice has to come through in the query. This also sounds a bit “textbook” instead of hooky. Some questions to consider: How would Lilly tell a story about herself? Where's the voice? Can you think of someway to pep this up? Lilly is determined to reform him, but doesn’t expect to fall in love. Parker unveils kinks in her faith, but as their relationship grows, he is unexpectedly influenced by her kind heart. When Parker is arrested for possession and sent to a boarding school, Lilly loses faith, and now, she can’t figure out where she stands with God. Is Parker’s fate in his own hands, or bound to his own conflicted destiny? When Parker is released early, he seems to slip further into the arms of trouble. Now, Lilly must decide where her faith truly lies; in intriguing though destructive relationship, or rediscovering faith, love and identity for herself.

You’ve definitely done a great job of synopsizing (is that a word? LOL) the story, but it’s missing that “wow factor.” And I don’t know what’s at stake for Lilly. I don’t feel like I care enough about what’s happening to want to read the story. So basically I want to know What's at risk for Lilly? I understand

she's exploring her relationship with God, and that until now it’s never been an issue of what it is, but that's more of a theme than a plot. At the end of this paragraph, I want to know what's at risk for her. If she chooses Parker, will she become self-destructive as well? If she chooses God, does she lose Parker? Also, I kinda wonder why she can’t have both. What kinks does Parker share with her, that would make her question her faith and also why can’t she be with him if she believes in God?

Something to consider when thinking about this is something my CP said to me: “The stakes in a romance don't have to be the fate of the world, but

there needs to be something to lose or no one will invest in the outcome.”

Thank you for considering Battleground to add to your list of books.

And now onto the credit section… Not all of these are going to be something an agent is going to care about and since their time is very limited we need to make this as succinct and simple as possible. If this were my bio paragraph, it would read something like this:

“I am currently pursuing a B.A. in English at fill-in-the-blank college, where I also serve as the opinion editor of the student newspaper. I am an active member of YALITCHAT. (This may or may not be considered a credit depending on the agent. Just as an FYI.)

I look forward to hearing from you.”

Don't be ashamed of not having credits. I didn’t when I found my agent and it didn’t matter one way or the other. Everyone has to start somewhere

ANN’S CRITIQUE

I’m seeking representation for my 62,000 word YA novel, Battleground, which portrays the real and sometimes harsh realities of growing up in today’s society. (Well worded, but doesn't really say anything about the STORY, just the concept. This sentence needs to be a hook to get the agent to want to read more. I recommend trying to employ some form of Nathan Bransford's Pitch Formula, which is:The OPENING CONFLICT happens to the MAIN CHARACTER, they have to OVERCOME THE CONFLICT to COMPLETE THE QUEST. )

Sixteen-year-old Lilly Dawson has always been best friends with God, until she meets Gabriel Parker, an intriguing, yet self-destructive atheist. (I'm not familiar with religious contemporary stories, but this feels...dry to me. I know a novel is difficult to boil down to a paragraph, but you have to make it intriguing enough to maintain interest.) Lilly is determined to reform him, but doesn’t expect to fall in love. Parker unveils kinks in her faith (how does he do this?), but as their relationship grows, he is unexpectedly influenced by her kind heart. When Parker is arrested for possession and sent to a boarding school, Lilly loses faith (why does she?), and now, she can’t figure out where she stands with God. Is Parker’s fate in his own hands, or bound to his own conflicted destiny? When Parker is released early, he seems to slip further into the arms of trouble. Now, Lilly must decide where her faith truly lies; in an intriguing though destructive relationship, or rediscovering faith, love and identity for herself. (I feel like I've only gotten bare bones, and NOT what would cause a girl of such faith to lose it. I suggest amping that angle up for the needed intrigue.)

NIKKI’S CRITIQUE

Overall thoughts:

* For some reason this query felt very clinical to me. There wasn't any kind of voice for the characters. I realize it's religious in nature, but it almost seems like the book would be very "preachy" based on the query.

* If I understand the premise ... good girl meets bad boy and wants to convert him. Bad boy breaks holes in good girl's staunch "good" beliefs. Bad boy gets in trouble. Good girl must face whether she truly is good. If so, it seems a very overdone premise. Which is fine, but you have to make sure yours is unique enough. What makes your book original? That's what you'll want to showcase in your query. Are there paranormal elements? Is there an amazing voice (if so, show it)? Show what differentiates your novel from others out there.

JESSIE’S CRITIQUE:

I’m seeking representation for my 62,000 word YA novel, Battleground, which portrays the real and sometimes harsh realities of growing up in today’s society. [Two things. 1 - I’m not sure this description does your storyline justice. 2 - maybe just a personal preference, but I prefer to see this summary paragraph btwn the detailed description and your credentials. provides a natural transition/break, IMO]

Sixteen-year-old Lilly Dawson has always been best friends with God, until she meets Gabriel Parker, an intriguing, yet self-destructive atheist. Lilly is determined to reform him, but doesn’t expect to fall in love. Parker unveils kinks in her faith, but as their relationship grows, he is unexpectedly influenced by her kind heart. [does this mean he is drawn to her faith, or just softens up around the edges? a little vague]

[suggest paragraph break here]

LARISSA’S CRITIQUE

Sixteen-year-old Lilly Dawson has always been best friends with God, until she meets Gabriel Parker, an intriguing, yet self-destructive atheist. Lilly is determined to reform him [why? Does she feel a connection to him, feel it’s her job as a Christian, does the Holy Spirit move her, ?], but doesn’t expect to fall in love [This may come a bit too soon. Maybe just “doesn’t expect to discover feelings for him” or something like that?]. Parker unveils kinks in her faith, but as their relationship grows, he is unexpectedly influenced by her kind heart. [I’m wondering about the juxtaposition of the sentences here. Parker is influenced by her kind heart, but in the next sentence he’s getting arrested for possession… I don’t know. It may be okay, but think about separating them.] When Parker is arrested for possession and sent to a boarding school, [military school? Juvie? Boarding school sounds too luxe.] Lilly loses faith, and now, she [cut “now, she”] can’t figure out where she stands with God. Is Parker’s fate in his own hands, or bound to his own conflicted destiny? [This confuses me a bit. Can you reword this? Also, I get that a boyfriend moving away is devastating, but I wonder about Lilly as a character if this makes her question her faith. Especially when Parker actually did something wrong.] When Parker is released early, he seems to [cut “seems to”] slip further into the arms of trouble. Now, Lilly must decide where her faith truly lies; in [an] intriguing though destructive relationship, or rediscovering faith, love and identity [maybe reverse love and identity so that we understand it is love for herself she is rediscovering] for herself.

SHERI’S CRITIQUE

I’m seeking representation for my 62,000 word YA novel, Battleground, which portrays the real and sometimes harsh realities of growing up in today’s society. I know some agents like this info up front, while others prefer to dive into your story. Just do your research before sending to individual agents.

Sixteen-year-old Lilly Dawson has always been best friends with God. That is until she meets Gabriel Parker, an intriguing, yet self-destructive atheist.

Writer's Wednesday: Soggy middles

2011-10-12T08:00:00.000-04:00

We’ve covered beginnings. We’ve covered endings But wealways seem to pass over that middle. But it’s just as important, right? So why do writers skip over talking about them? Because they suck! LOL.

By far, I’d say the middle is always the toughest for me tokeep writing. With the beginning,while the most difficult for me to get right, I’m usually excited to startwriting again, so I breeze right through it. The end, I’m excited I’m thisclose to finishing, so I canbreeze through that, too (relatively speaking of course.) But those middles? Yeah. Hate ‘em. LOL.

It’s always at this point where I think I suck (and probablydo) and I’m boring and my characters are awful. The plot doesn’t work. Blah.Blah. Blah. The middles make me want to give up writing, color my hair, getplastic surgery done on my face and move out to some distant island never to beheard from again.

Even with plotting and self-set deadlines, the middles arethe pits for me and it’s taken me this long to figure out why. Mostly it’s because by this time, thenewness of the MS has worn off. It’slike when you got that new doll or videogame as a kid.

For days you carted it around with you everywhere. Youplayed with it constantly. From the minute you woke up to the minute you wentto sleep that toy wasn’t far from you, physically and mentally. But then, the newness wears off. You’retired of thinking about it. There’s a different maybe newer toy that you wantto play with more. And so you just want to put it off to the side, but your mom(or other) spent a lot of money on this new toy and she wants to see you playwith it because otherwise she’s “never going to buy you another toy again”because she wants to get her money out of it. So you force yourself to play with it, dreading just SEEINGit.

Sound familiar? Well, that’s howthe middles feel for me. The newness has worn off, BUT I’ve invested so muchinto it already I have to keep going for it to pay off. I want something to show for allthe hard work I’ve done up until that point. So I open the document like a good girl every morning andforce myself to write until eventually I realize I’ve either finished or I’mthisclose to finishing and I’m excited all over again.

So, what’s the secret to getting through those soggymiddles? Keep writing. Don’t think about what you’re writing(too much anyway. Even though ithelps if you know where you’re going.)

I know. Easiersaid than done, right? Well, thebest thing I’ve found for me is to do writing challenges with otherwriters. I personally like the#1k1hr sprints on twitter, but I’ve heard the write or die or word war sprintswork just as well.

The reason these work so well is that humans are naturally competitiveso it gives you that spark to write again and the point isn’t necessarily towrite good, but to write a lot. Soquantity over quality. By doingthat, you don’t start second guessing yourself. You just write and worry about what needs to be changed,cut, or added to later.

In other words, it allows you to keep playing, even when allyou want to do is put that toy back on the shelf and never see it again.

So Q4U, what do YOU do to get past those soggy middles?

TBR TUESDAY: The Iron Knight by Julia Kagawa

2011-10-11T08:30:00.000-04:00

Okay, so first let me be honest here. I avoided this series for a looong time. I mean... come on, faeries? Way over done. And anyone that knows me knows I am not into those prissy elitists with sparkly wings. Thank God The Iron Fey is SO not that kind of faeries--I found that out the day I needed something different to read and decided to bite the bullet and order The Iron King. I've been following Harlequin Teen on Twitter forever, and I figured I'd listen to all the hype about this series. Let me tell you, I am SO glad I did! I devoured the first two. I need to read The Iron Queen ASAP.

From the enterthefaeryworld.com website (where you can see the superstupendousabsolutelyfreakingamazing BOOK TRAILER!):

Ash is about to learn something that will change everything. A truth that turns reality upside down, challenges his darkest beliefs and shows him that, sometimes, it takes more than courage to make the ultimate sacrifice.

From the Harlequin Blog(where you can also read an excerpt!!):

My name—my True Name—is Ashallayn’darkmyr Tallyn.

I am the last remaining son of Mab, Queen of the Unseelie Court.

And I am dead to her.

My fall began, as many stories do, with a girl…

To cold faery prince Ash, love was a weakness for mortals and fools. His own love had died a horrible death, killing any gentler feelings the Winter prince might have had. Or so he thought.

Then Meghan Chase—a half human, half fey slip of a girl—smashed through his barricades, binding him to her irrevocably with his oath to be her knight. And when all of Faery nearly fell to the Iron fey, she severed their bond to save his life. Meghan is now the Iron Queen, ruler of a realm where no Winter or Summer fey can survive.

With the unwelcome company of his archrival, Summer Court prankster Puck, and the infuriating cait sith Grimalkin, Ash begins a journey he is bound to see through to its end—a quest to find a way to honor his vow to stand by Meghan’s side.

To survive in the Iron Realm, Ash must have a soul and a mortal body. But the tests he must face to earn these things are impossible. And along the way Ash learns something that changes everything. A truth that challenges his darkest beliefs and shows him that, sometimes, it takes more than courage to make the ultimate sacrifice.

Whoseywhatsit Thursday: Crit Style

2011-10-06T10:48:00.000-04:00

Here's a big thumbs'up for our second edition of Whoseywhatsit Thursday. *thumbs wave & the crowd cheers*

We're looking for writers, who are in the market for a free critique. Any volunteers? What are we offering this month?

Easy ~ a query critique.

We all know the tug of war that attacks a writer's innards at the thought of writing a query or--gosh, even worse--a synopsis. *shivers* But we're here to help.

Anyone interested in having their query critiqued by the Oasis Sisters please leave a comment below. Random.org will choose the lucky recipient, who will be notified via email. So please make sure to leave your email addies in the comment section!

Good Luck!

Writer's Wednesday: The Revision Process of Cutting

2011-10-05T09:48:00.003-04:00

I'm in the middle of my third revision on my manuscript and it's a pretty heavy overhaul ... changing up a significant portion of the second half and adding in several new scenes.

But I also need to cut scenes for balance. And that's where it gets tricky. See, I'm not one of those authors who has a first draft of 120,000 words and they can cut at will, hitting the delete key with abandon and saving them as "teasers" or "deleted scenes" for their blog. No, I'm lucky if I hit 65,000 words, and then I'm forced to bulk up. Adding scenes is great. Deleting? Not so much.

So, here's what I'm doing...

I'm starting small. In my edits yesterday I attacked a scene that may need to go altogether, but I'm just not ready to do it yet. It helps build the romance, shows off some world-building, etc. I can probably incorporate most of that elsewhere, but for now, it's staying in ... well at least half of it. I was able to delete a good chunk of it.

It's like the cutting room floor of a movie studio. The scene is complete, but at the moment it's a heck of a lot smaller. I took out words, sentences, even paragraphs to get to the point faster ... and then get out.

Maybe next time I'll cut it in half again!

Do you have problems with cutting in your manuscript? What are your tips for deleting scenes?

TBR Tuesday: Between the Sea and Sky + giveaway!

2011-10-04T09:30:00.000-04:00

My friend Jaclyn Dolamore's book Between the Sea and Sky comes out October 25, 2011. This is a beautiful, romantic story about a mermaid and a winged guy.

For as long as Esmerine can remember, she has longed to join her older sister, Dosinia, as a siren--the highest calling a mermaid can have. When Dosinia runs away to the mainland, Esmerine is sent to retrieve her. Using magic to transform her tail into legs, she makes her way unsteadily to the capital city. There she comes upon a friend she hasn't seen since childhood--a dashing young man named Alandare, who belongs to a winged race of people. As Esmerine and Alandare band together to search for Dosinia, they rekindle a friendship . . . and ignite the emotions for a love so great, it cannot be bound by sea, land, or air.
And, because Jackie is a friend of mine, I got to read an ARC! I really loved this story, and I think you will, too, so I am going to GIVE AWAY my signed and doodled ARC.

To enter, just comment with your email addy. I will choose a random winner from all the entries at 1pm EST on Friday. Feel free to tweet, blog, or facebook for one extra entry each.

And make sure to add Between the Sea and Sky to your TBR list!

The giveaway is now closed. The winner is sablelexi! Congrats!

Whoseywhatsit Thursday: Writing Prompt Sentences

2011-09-29T11:07:00.000-04:00

Hi all. SorryI’m a little late this morning, even as a grown up, I get suckered into helping my parents (J/K. I don't mind helping them). Anyway, sowe’ve been doing writing prompts and I thought I’d do one of my favorite typeof writing prompts; where I give you a sentence and somewhere in your 250 wordsor less that sentence needs to be there.

There are no other rules. You can write about absolutelyanything you like. BUT to make itteensy bit harder, I want you to try and write it in a format that you don’t normallywrite in.

For instance, I normally write in 1^st person present tense. So I’m going to write mine in 3^rdperson past tense. This is awonderful exercise to do when you’re stuck, because it frees your mind a bitand it isn’t stuck in the same old rut. I don't know how many times it's helped me move forward.

So your sentence today is: The stranger peered over his shoulder, before quicklystepping into the building.

I’ve left it pretty open ended for you to write it howeveryou wish, but here’s mine for an example (BTW, it does NOT have to be the firstsentence. Use it wherever you think is best).

The stranger peered over his shoulder, before quicklystepping into the building. Elleknew for that reason alone that he was the one she was looking for, but stillshe hesitated. What if he wasn’treally the one? If not, she’d get in so much trouble with her uncle. However, if he was, then she’d show heruncle once and for all he needed her. And that she wasn’t just some fashionista with a chip the size of NewVegas on her shoulder.

She straightened her shoulders, adjusted her skirt so itshowed just a bit more of her tanned thighs, and made the decision. She was going in that store, and shewas going after her guy. He wasthe one. No one else would have a reason to be in that store at this time. And she’d get the answers her Uncleneeded from him. Failure wasn’t an option and there was no doubt in her mindthat she’d win. After all, no onecould resist a pretty face. And she had the prettiest in town.

So go ahead and put your stuff in the comments and our lovely readers (including us) will tell ya what we think. If you do comment, please "crit' someone else's comment. After all, it's only fair. ; )

A rose by any other name

2011-09-28T08:30:00.000-04:00

A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.
Juliette, William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliette

Can you tell I'm wrangling titles this week? Yeah. Not so easy. Do I go for the blatant, obvious one? Do I try to be crafty? Do I go for a hint of mystery? Do I blubber in the corner?

The edgier the project for me, the more difficult it is to title it. Some books just seemed to fall out of my head, through my fingers and into this computer with characters, plot and title fully formed. Others, I played with a little and settled. Two I have really battled with what to name them. The latest WIP is one of them.

I thought I had it after changing it twice, and my agent nixed them both when I pitched the chapters and synopsis to her. *sigh* So I went back to the Title Drawing Board. I think Thesaurus.com is tired of seeing my ISP after today. Hell, I even called in back up, tapping my adult romance writing beta and my YA writing betas. We finally came upon a name we all like, knowing full-well an editor will most likely change it anyway. *sigh again* So, here's the title: The Dark Before. I'll let y'all ponder the who/what/when/where/why we settled on this one and what type of story it is.

Here are a couple links to help you on your next title quest:
7 Tips to Land the Perfect Title for Your Novel

Title Your Novel in Three Easy Steps!

How to Title Your Book by agent Rachelle Gardener

I hope you don't end up with the headache I did, and have an amazing title for your novel!! If you have any tips for titling, please share! Have a great title, share that too. ^_^

TBR Tuesday: Shifting

2011-09-27T06:01:00.000-04:00

Every writer knows that reading others' work stretches our own minds and improves our own writing and techniques. That's why most writers have a To-Be-Read pile to die for...or one so large it just might kill them.

But as irony sometimes shows up in writing - that's a good thing.

Here's a book I can't wait to get my hands on. The cover is totally glam, and the story sounds unique. Moreover, Bethany Wiggins--the author--is a talent and fabulous person rolled up into one.

After bouncing from foster home to foster home, Magdalene Mae is transferred to what should be her last foster home in the tiny town of Silver City, New Mexico. Now that she's eighteen and has only a year left in high school, she's determined to stay out of trouble and just be normal. Agreeing to go to the prom with Bridger O'Connell is a good first step. Fitting in has never been her strong suit, but it's not for the reasons most people would expect-it all has to do with the deep secret that she is a shape shifter. But even in her new home danger lurks, waiting in the shadows to pounce. They are the Skinwalkers of Navajo legend, who have traded their souls to become the animal whose skin they wear-and Maggie is their next target.

Full of romance, mysticism, and intrigue, this dark take on Navajo legend will haunt readers to the final page.

What do you think? Will you add this to your TBR pile? If you do, why not tweet it and let Bethany know.

Whoseywhatsit Thursday: Writing Prompt!

2011-09-22T08:00:00.001-04:00

This week has been an insane one for me, and I haven't had time to write or edit or critique or do much of anything. So when it came time to post I decided I needed a "writing prompt" to get me back into a creative frame of mind!

Since autumn officially begins tomorrow, I thought we'd use that as our prompt. You have up to 250 words to throw your character into a fall-like setting, develop a flashback, write a poem, try something new, whatever you want. Post those words below and then comment on at least one other person's writing. (You don't need to necessarily critique it, this isn't polished writing people!)

Ready. Set. Go!

(And here's mine ...)

When Helene was eight, she and her older sister dressed up as wizards for
Halloween. Christi came up with the idea, as always. She spent an entire afternoon flipping through the costume catalog, tagging pages that grabbed her attention. Every time Helene leaned over to point to something, Christi turned the page so fast she nearly gave herself a paper cut.

“What about the rock star?” Helene asked as the costume sailed in and out of her vision faster than a shooting star.

No response.

“Or the zombie?” Helene wanted to scare the idiot neighbor kids.

Nothing.

“Why can’t I pick my own costume, anyway?” Helene crossed her arms and flopped down on the couch. “I don’t want to have to match.”

Finally Christi opened her mouth. “Because, you are clearly incapable of choosing something appropriate. And I have much better taste.”

Christi narrowed her choices down, further and further until she finally stuck the page in front of Helene’s nose. “We’re going to be wizards. You’re the boy.”

Of course Helene was the boy. And after the Halloween parade, when she’d had to lead everyone around the playground because she was by far the tallest in the class, Helene stripped off the robe and hat and promptly stuffed them in the trash.

Who cared about trick-or-treating anyway?

Image Source

Writer's Wednesday: Coping With Rejection

2011-09-21T08:00:00.000-04:00

Over the summer, my family traveled to Las Vegas (and SouthDakota) to visit family. While I was inVegas, my mom asked me to sing with the women’s ensemble at her church. Funnily enough, the sermon was about copingwith rejection.

Of course, as a writer, my mind immediately connected thepastor’s points to writing and all the rejection we deal with as writers.

He gave three ways to cope with rejection: Realism,Reinforcements, and Refuge.

Realism: Rejectionhappens. It happens to everyone—even thebest of the best. I mean, if J.K.Rowling got rejected? Then, yeah, I’mpretty sure EVERYONE can expect some. So, expect it. It is coming insome form or fashion, and you will have to deal with it.

Reinforcements: Youcan’t do it alone. Every successfulwriter out there had help. Just look ata few Acknowledgement pages in your favorite novels. All those people the author mentions? REINFORCEMENTS. Become part of a community or critique groupof people who can help you get better and see your work more clearly than youcan by yourself.

Refuge: Sometimes therejection becomes too much. It’sokay. Everyone has had a rejection thathurt more than the rest. Or gotoverwhelmed by too much of it. So takerefuge. Get away from the rejection fora while. Go participate in anotherhobby. Get out of the house. Or, you know, watch all five seasons of PSYCHon DVD. ;)

So how do you cope with rejection? I tend to be fairly pragmatic, so Realismseems to be my default, although I have had to turn to my reinforcements or myrefuge. Or PSYCH. :P

TBR Tuesday: Cold Kiss

2011-09-20T07:55:00.001-04:00

This week, I'm excited for the release of COLD KISS by Amy Garvey. It sounds sort of Pet Cemetery meets If I Stay. Plus, the cover's pretty darn amazing.

“It seemed so right. Danny was mine, I was his, and that wasn’t going to work if he was dead. So I would make him not dead, not anymore. I didn’t think any further than what it would feel like to kiss him again, to wrap my arms around him and bury my head against his shoulder.
That was my first mistake. It also turned out to be the biggest.”

When her boyfriend, Danny, is killed in a car accident, Wren can’t imagine living without him. Wild with grief, she uses the untamed powers she’s inherited to bring him back. But the Danny who returns is just a shell of the boy she once loved.

Wren has spent four months keeping Danny hidden, while her life slowly unravels around her. Then Gabriel DeMarnes transfers to her school and somehow, inexplicably, he can sense her secret. Wren finds herself drawn to Gabriel, who is so much more alive than the ghost of the boy she loved. But Wren can’t turn her back on Danny or the choice she made for him—and she realizes she must find a way to make things right, even if it means breaking her own heart.

Amy Garvey’s transcendent teen debut is perfect for fans of Shiver and Beautiful Creatures. Wren’s unforgettable voice and story will stay with readers long after the last page is turned.

What do you think? Had you heard of this one? Will you be picking it up?

Whoseywhatsit Thursday: CRITIQUES

2011-09-15T09:24:00.005-04:00

Sorry I'm behind the 8-ball, y'all. We had an evening run to the ER last night and it totally threw me off my do-it-the-night-before groove.

Now, we're still playing with this format, so let us know if you'd like to see changes!

ORIGINAL SAMPLE AS CHOSEN BY RANDOM.ORG:

a YA Gothic thriller told from five perspectives.

Title: The Curse of Elizabeth Brewster, by Julie Kingsley

The view from Headmaster Proctor’s personal office was obstructed by a gnarled apple tree and thick ivy that grew up the brick walls outside weaving its way from one thing to the next. He pushed open the old paned window and smelled the sharp scent of the crabapples rotting in the sun. As always, he reached out to grab a fistful of ivy and flung it to the ground. A part of him was scared that it was going to suffocate him at night- that damn ivy.

He took a deep breath. “They’ve been chosen,” he said to himself. He flung around to face his sanctuary. Here, surrounded by tall bookcases full of classical tales with thick covers and pages that smelled faintly of must he was home. He slammed the window shut and reached over to crank up his air conditioner. He hated autumn, yearning for the darkness of winter. With a practiced hand he filled his teapot from the kettle, watching as the steam swirled through the air like magic. He warmed his pot and poured the used water down the drain before adding more water and his Earl Grey tea to the prized pot with the Pemberton Academy crest on its belly.

He put his timer on exactly six minutes and waited. His mind wandered to his boyhood. Back then, he recalled sitting at his window peering out into the night and seeing four girls flying across the Green, heads thrown back in laughter, racing toward the woods.

NIKKI'S CRITIQUE:

I liked this overall, there are some distinct "senses" that we get, but I still didn't feel attached to the character. I don't know anything about him... which is fine if we switch POVs pretty quickly. Especially with this being YA.

The view from Headmaster Proctor’s personal office was obstructed by a gnarled apple tree and thick ivy that grew up the brick walls outside weaving its way from one thing to the next [this sentence was really long for an opening, considering splitting into two!]. He pushed open the old paned window and smelled [don't tell us he's smelling it, instead say that the sharp scent made his lips pucker or seared his throat or something ... ]the sharp scent of the crabapples rotting in the sun. As always, he reached out to grab a fistful of ivy and flung it to the ground. A part of him was scared that it was going to suffocate him at night- that damn ivy [two "was"s in this sentence ... too passive].

He took a deep breath. “They’ve been chosen,” he said to himself. He flung [usually you fling something. did he spin around? fling his arms?] around to face his sanctuary. Here, surrounded by tall bookcases full of classical tales with thick covers and pages that smelled faintly of must[missing a comma] he was home. He slammed the window shut and reached over to crank up his air conditioner. He hated autumn, yearning for the darkness of winter. With a practiced hand he filled his teapot from the kettle, watching as the steam swirled through the air like magic. He warmed his pot and poured the used water down the drain before adding more water and his Earl Grey tea to the prized pot with the Pemberton Academy crest on its belly.

He put his timer on exactly six minutes and waited. His mind wandered to his boyhood. Back then, he recalled sitting at his window peering out into the night and seeing four girls flying across the Green, heads thrown back in laughter, racing toward the woods. [is this memory important? if not, keep us in the present and get us quicker to the action!]

ANN'S CRITIQUE:

Pitch: Banished to Pemberton Academy in Western Massachusetts, Eli quickly finds herself embroiled in a four hundred year old love triangle that leads her to lost secrets about America's earliest beginnings - turns out those Puritans were not so pure-can she survive it?
{This feels disjointed to me. You go from the dramatic pitch language to trying to sound hip. I recommend dropping - turns out those Puritans were not so pure- then it would flow better and have more consistency.}

First 250:

The view from Headmaster Proctor’s personal office was obstructed by a gnarled apple tree and thick ivy that grew up the brick walls outside weaving its way from one thing to the next. {This is a long first sentence that does nothing to hook my interest as a reader. I realize you're trying to set the stage, but I really don't care what it looks like outside the office--tell me what's happening INSIDE first. I would cut half the modifiers, too. It feels heavy.}He pushed open the old paned window and smelled the sharp scent of the crabapples rotting in the sun. As always, he reached out to grab a fistful of ivy and flung it to the ground. A part of him was scared that it was going to suffocate him at night- that damn ivy. {This last bit feels tacked on. I'd cut it. I think you're going for a deep 1st POV, the more literary feel and heavy description doesn't support it. So, I recommend you settle on the more literary tone you've established.}

He took a deep breath. “They’ve been chosen,” he said to himself. {Cut the reflexive. Try 'mutter', or make the statement an internal thought.} He flung {second use of this word in as many paragraphs. Beware overusage!} around to face his sanctuary. Here, surrounded by tall bookcases full of classical tales with thick covers and pages that smelled faintly of must he was home. {heavy with description here, and I wonder if it's necessary.} He slammed the window shut and reached over to crank up his air conditioner. He hated autumn, yearning for the darkness of winter. With a practiced hand he filled his teapot from the kettle, watching as the steam swirled through the air like magic. {Already I'm noticing you have a tendency for overwriting. I realize, as a writer, we want to bring people into our world, show them the scene we see in our head, but all this description detracts from the action. Do we NEED to know he has a practicied hand at making tea?} He warmed his pot and poured the used water down the drain before adding more water and his Earl Grey tea to the prized pot with the Pemberton Academy crest on its belly.

He put his timer on exactly six minutes and waited. {I hate to harp this much but do we need to know it's exactly six minutes? Does that have a bearing on what comes in the six minutes?}His mind wandered to his boyhood. Back then, he recalled sitting at his window peering out into the night and seeing four girls flying across the Green, heads thrown back in laughter, racing toward the woods.

Julie, I think you have a great concept, from the pitch line, but having been edited to death for over use of modifiers in my day, I see you are falling into the same trap. Readers don't need the scene in such detail. Feed them bits here and there to enhance your characters thoughts and actions. It will create a tighter, heightened scene and story. Also, I'm don't think this is the right start for your YA story. YA is by nature, teen-centric and starting with a Headmaster is not.

JESSICA'S CRITIQUE:

[Proposed restructuring of first sentence: A gnarled apple tree obstructed the view from Headmaster Proctor’s personal office. Thick ivy grew] up the brick walls outside, weaving its way from one thing to the next. [Change ‘He’ to Headmaster Proctor] pushed open the old paned window and smelled the sharp scent of [cut ‘the’] crabapples rotting in the sun. As always, he reached out to grab a fistful of ivy and flung it to the ground. A part of him was scared it was going to suffocate him at night- that damn ivy.

He took a deep breath. “They’ve been chosen,” he said [cut ‘to himself’]. He flung [JAS1] [JAS1]around to

face his sanctuary. Here, surrounded by tall bookcases full of classical tales with thick covers and pages that smelled faintly of must, he was home. He slammed the window shut and reached over to crank up his air conditioner. He hated autumn [and yearned] for the darkness of winter. With a practiced hand, he filled his teapot from the kettle, watching as the steam swirled through the air like magic. He warmed his pot and poured the used water down the drain before adding more water and his Earl Grey tea to the prized pot with the Pemberton Academy crest on its belly.

Overall, your writing is strong and I get a pretty clear mental picture of Headmaster Proctor, however, this beginning is a bit boring. Not to put too fine of a point on it. It would be interesting, say, if this were further into the story, but as an opening it doesn’t have the hook to make me really want to keep reading

Also, this feels very much like a prologue (am I right?), since it’s from the headmaster’s POV. I’m just not sure that teens are going to be able to relate to someone of his age (since you mention his mind wandering to his boyhood) telling a story about his younger self. It would be my suggestion that you cut this POV all together. It’s really hard to sell (And I’m using sell loosely. This would apply to finding an agent as well as an editor) a YA being told from an adult’s perspective because YA is all about the voice and this piece, like the majority of stories told from an adult perspective don’t have that YA voice (and they shouldn’t since they’re being told by an adult).

You mention the story is being told in 5 different perspectives and this sounds like an intriguing story, I have to question if you’re just starting in the wrong spot and with the wrong character (do you even really need Headmaster’s older POV at all?)

However, I am intrigued to know about who has been chosen and why. And how come this man knows about it. From your pitch, I can tell this is a story I would definitely want to keep reading, but I just don’t see it from these 250 words. I also enjoyed your descriptive phrases. They were very pretty and gave me an excellent sense of what I should be seeing.

LARISSA'S CRITIQUE:

The view from Headmaster Proctor’s [This name seems odd, and distracted me the first time I read it.] personal office was obstructed by a gnarled apple tree and thick ivy that grew up the brick walls outside weaving its way from one thing to the next. He pushed open the old paned window and smelled the sharp scent of the crabapples rotting in the sun. As always, he reached out to grab a fistful of ivy and flung it to the ground. A part of him was scared that it was going to suffocate him at night- that damn ivy. [Given that he hates/fears the ivy so much, why does he bother to grab a handful and throw it? It seems like a pointless activity. (This stands out because he’s a headmaster and lives in a world of musty books—he would seem to be a smart guy, yes? Smart guys tend not to do pointless things.)]

He took a deep breath. “They’ve been chosen,” he said to himself. [This is intriguing.] He flung [not sure this is the right word here] around to face his sanctuary. Here, surrounded by tall bookcases full of classical tales with thick covers and pages that smelled faintly of must[comma] he was home. He slammed the window shut and reached over to crank up his air conditioner. [“He was home” doesn’t flow with then slamming the window shut and hating autumn.] He hated autumn, yearning for the darkness of winter. With a practiced hand he filled his teapot from the kettle, watching as the steam swirled through the air like magic. He warmed his pot and poured the used water down the drain before adding more water and his Earl Grey tea to the prized pot with the Pemberton Academy crest on its belly. [This is confusing. Is it necessary?]

Hi Julie! So, from your pitch and description, I am interested in this story. However, your first 250 words don’t draw me in. If this is Eli’s story (which I am assuming from the title and description), why are we hearing from some old man first? Is this a prologue? (It sort of feels like one.) In other words, I am not convinced that this is the place to start your story. Since I haven’t read any more of it, I can’t say for sure, but I would suggest you should start with Eli. Also, I’m curious, why five points-of-view? Again, the story sounds interesting. Best of luck!

JESSIES CRITIQUE:

The view from Headmaster Proctor’s personal office was obstructed by a gnarled apple tree and thick ivy that grew up the brick walls outside, weaving its way from one thing to the next.[2] [1] He pushed open the old paned window and smelled the sharp scent of the crabapples rotting in the sun. As always, he reached out to grab a fistful of ivy and flung it to the ground. A part of him was scared it was going to suffocate him at night- that damned ivy.

He took a deep breath. “They’ve been chosen,” he said to himself. He flung[3] [2] around to face his sanctuary. Here, surrounded by tall bookcases full of classical tales with thick covers and pages that smelled faintly of must, he was home. He slammed the window shut and reached over to crank up his air conditioner. He hated autumn, yearning for the darkness of winter. With a practiced hand he filled his teapot from the kettle, watching as the steam swirled through the air like magic. He warmed his pot and poured the used water down the drain before adding more water and his Earl Grey tea [4] [3]to the prized pot with the Pemberton Academy crest on its belly.

He put his timer on exactly six minutes and waited. His mind wandered to his boyhood. Back then, he recalled sitting at his bedroom (?) window, peering out into the night and seeing four girls flying across the Green, heads thrown back in laughter, racing toward the woods.

the last sentence finally got my attention - that and “they’ve been chosen.” my problem with this is that you’re starting off a YA novel with an old man reflecting on his youth. I worry that teens won’t instantly connect with Proctor the way they should. IMO, since you’re telling this story from 5 alternating POVs, you ought to start with one that your target audience will connect with. Your writing itself is very strong, I just think you’ve picked the wrong starting point.

SHERI'S CRITIQUE

First 250:

The view from Headmaster Proctor’s personal office was obstructed by a gnarled apple tree. Thick ivy grew up the brick walls outside, weaving its way from one thing to the next. He pushed open the old paned window and grabbed a fistful of ivy. The sharp scent of crabapples rotting in the sun stung his nostrils. He flung the greenery to the ground, fearful it would suffocate him at night- damn ivy.

He took a deep breath. [sal5] [sal1]“They’ve been chosen,” he said to himself. He flung [sal6] [sal2]around to face his sanctuary. Here, surrounded by tall bookcases full of classical tales with thick covers and pages that smelled faintly of must, he was home. He slammed the window shut [sal7] [sal3]and reached over to crank up his air conditioner. He hated autumn, yearning for the darkness of winter. With a practiced hand, he filled his teapot from the kettle, watching as the steam swirled through the air like magic. He warmed his pot and poured the used water down the drain before adding more water and his Earl Grey tea to the prized pot with the Pemberton Academy crest on its belly.

Overall comment: try to eliminate a few of the ‘he’s.’

[JAS1]

[2]

very long first sentence

[3]

awkward w/c

[4]Would he take a breath if he smelled the sharp scent of rotting crabapples just before? Maybe insert that he closed the window.

[sal5]Just used above. Try a different word.

[sal6]Yeah, maybe move this up.

[sal7]

Writer's Wednesday: Openers

2011-09-14T07:04:00.000-04:00

The summer months are when hubby and I often take walks during the later evening hours. We chat about our day, how the kids were and what they did, and what's on the agenda for tomorrow. Having four kids means planning. (But outlining is for another post.)

Recently I noticed that our opening statements, no matter what topic they're about, set the tone, mood, voice, and even our interest in continuing with that subject. The same goes for movie watching. The same goes for reading an article in the newspaper. And yes, even when reading a book.

What does that tell me? HOOKING the attention of any person must be done from the onset--the first few words, whether spoken or read, the initial glance. What makes me want more? The answer to that question can hinge on change, conflict, contemplating, and many other factors.

I'm currently taking an online writing course that explores the reasons some first sentences, first paragraphs, first pages, and first chapters work as opposed to those that don't. Let's concentrate on the first line.

There's something very wrong with me. Mercy, by Rebecca Lim.

This first sentence immediately puts me in question mode, which is something we all want our readers to do. Being a sleuth, I then must read on to discover what's wrong with me and who me is. In this example, the hook is through voice, mystery, and even a little bit of inner conflict.

Two don'ts of CAUTION:

Don't over utilize the questioning hook and confuse the reader. Give them just enough to taint their tongues and make them want more.
And, if you're using any form of action and/or reaction in the opening statement, make sure to SHOW not TELL the reader what's happening.

Number 2 is a lesson I learned during one of my lessons in my class. I'd originally began my opening statement like this: The last thing I expect to see is a dead guy as the bus drops me off on my secluded country road. More shocking, though, is that he touches me.

As Lynette Labelle and all her greatness explained to me, this is more telling than showing. She thought I was pretty close, but needed to tweak it a bit. I'm going to share what I came up with, which I rarely do. Lynette hasn't even peeked at it. This is right off the cuff from her advice: I watch the bus inch past me and down my secluded country road,the dead guy’s image repeating through each small window until all that’s leftis vacant space between us.

Perfection? Maybe not. But it's definitely switched from telling to showing.

So, what spice does the opening sentence need? Firstly, relax and don't over analyze. Know your main character like your best friend. In my experience, this truly helps. But do keep this in mind: An opening sentence does it's job when it gives active ingredients about the main character and his/her world that's interesting, unique, and will resonate with a reader.

Now look at your WIP. Do you know why it would hook your reader? Does it? If not, no worries. You can always hand it over to a supportive beta reader and then edit. Remember: our work is never set in stone.