Over the summer, my family traveled to Las Vegas (and SouthDakota) to visit family. While I was in
Vegas, my mom asked me to sing with the women’s ensemble at her church. Funnily enough, the sermon was about coping
with rejection.
Of course, as a writer, my mind immediately connected the
pastor’s points to writing and all the rejection we deal with as writers.
He gave three ways to cope with rejection: Realism,
Reinforcements, and Refuge.
Realism: Rejection
happens. It happens to everyone—even the
best of the best. I mean, if J.K.
Rowling got rejected? Then, yeah, I’m
pretty sure EVERYONE can expect some.
So, expect it. It is coming in
some form or fashion, and you will have to deal with it.
Reinforcements: You
can’t do it alone. Every successful
writer out there had help. Just look at
a few Acknowledgement pages in your favorite novels. All those people the author mentions? REINFORCEMENTS. Become part of a community or critique group
of people who can help you get better and see your work more clearly than you
can by yourself.
Refuge: Sometimes the
rejection becomes too much. It’s
okay. Everyone has had a rejection that
hurt more than the rest. Or got
overwhelmed by too much of it. So take
refuge. Get away from the rejection for
a while. Go participate in another
hobby. Get out of the house. Or, you know, watch all five seasons of PSYCH
on DVD. ;)
So how do you cope with rejection? I tend to be fairly pragmatic, so Realism
seems to be my default, although I have had to turn to my reinforcements or my
refuge. Or PSYCH. :P
All three of these things are so important - great post, Larissa!
ReplyDeleteGreat points. I think I'm at times hesitant to draw on the support available from my two crit groups, worrying that I'll be thought a whiner. But even our friends can't always tell that we're huring unless we let them know.
ReplyDeleteYep! I'm right there with all of these. It's curious isn't it that writers (generally) are sensitive, caring, often quiet souls and yet they put themselves into path of Rejection all the time. Glad you sang in the choir.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I got a bunch of rejections this summer and I actually DID watch all 5 seasons of Psych to cope. Thank god for Netflix!
ReplyDeleteThe other thing I do when I get rejected is immediately work on my query letter to prepare for the next agent. I know that it can always be improved, and that the best way to get published is to push myself to keep going. No point in moping.
I go the realism route. It still hurts, sure, but I know we all have different opinions. And I frequently remind myself of that :).
ReplyDeleteI tend to be realistic, too. I'm never really crushed by a rejection--okay, maybe once in a while. But mostly I know I'm going to get rejections before I find an acceptance. I just keep writing and working on other things so I don't stress over any one MS.
ReplyDelete