Thursday, September 29, 2011

Whoseywhatsit Thursday: Writing Prompt Sentences




Hi all.  Sorry I’m a little late this morning, even as a grown up, I get suckered into helping my parents (J/K. I don't mind helping them).  Anyway, so we’ve been doing writing prompts and I thought I’d do one of my favorite type of writing prompts; where I give you a sentence and somewhere in your 250 words or less that sentence needs to be there.  

There are no other rules. You can write about absolutely anything you like.  BUT to make it teensy bit harder, I want you to try and write it in a format that you don’t normally write in.

For instance, I normally write in 1st person present tense.  So I’m going to write mine in 3rd person past tense.  This is a wonderful exercise to do when you’re stuck, because it frees your mind a bit and it isn’t stuck in the same old rut. I don't know how many times it's helped me move forward.

So your sentence today is:  The stranger peered over his shoulder, before quickly stepping into the building.

I’ve left it pretty open ended for you to write it however you wish, but here’s mine for an example (BTW, it does NOT have to be the first sentence. Use it wherever you think is best). 


The stranger peered over his shoulder, before quickly stepping into the building.  Elle knew for that reason alone that he was the one she was looking for, but still she hesitated.  What if he wasn’t really the one? If not, she’d get in so much trouble with her uncle.  However, if he was, then she’d show her uncle once and for all he needed her.  And that she wasn’t just some fashionista with a chip the size of New Vegas on her shoulder.

She straightened her shoulders, adjusted her skirt so it showed just a bit more of her tanned thighs, and made the decision.  She was going in that store, and she was going after her guy.  He was the one. No one else would have a reason to be in that store at this time.  And she’d get the answers her Uncle needed from him. Failure wasn’t an option and there was no doubt in her mind that she’d win.  After all, no one could resist a pretty face. And she had the prettiest in town.

So go ahead and put your stuff in the comments and our lovely readers (including us) will tell ya what we think.  If you do comment, please "crit' someone else's comment. After all, it's only fair.  ; )


Wednesday, September 28, 2011

A rose by any other name


A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.
Juliette, William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliette

Can you tell I'm wrangling titles this week? Yeah. Not so easy. Do I go for the blatant, obvious one? Do I try to be crafty? Do I go for a hint of mystery? Do I blubber in the corner?

The edgier the project for me, the more difficult it is to title it. Some books just seemed to fall out of my head, through my fingers and into this computer with characters, plot and title fully formed. Others, I played with a little and settled. Two I have really battled with what to name them. The latest WIP is one of them.

I thought I had it after changing it twice, and my agent nixed them both when I pitched the chapters and synopsis to her. *sigh* So I went back to the Title Drawing Board. I think Thesaurus.com is tired of seeing my ISP after today. Hell, I even called in back up, tapping my adult romance writing beta and my YA writing betas. We finally came upon a name we all like, knowing full-well an editor will most likely change it anyway. *sigh again* So, here's the title: The Dark Before. I'll let y'all ponder the who/what/when/where/why we settled on this one and what type of story it is.

Here are a couple links to help you on your next title quest:
7 Tips to Land the Perfect Title for Your Novel

Title Your Novel in Three Easy Steps!

How to Title Your Book by agent Rachelle Gardener

I hope you don't end up with the headache I did, and have an amazing title for your novel!! If you have any tips for titling, please share! Have a great title, share that too. ^_^

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

TBR Tuesday: Shifting


Every writer knows that reading others' work stretches our own minds and improves our own writing and techniques. That's why most writers have a To-Be-Read pile to die for...or one so large it just might kill them. 

But as irony sometimes shows up in writing - that's a good thing.

Here's a book I can't wait to get my hands on. The cover is totally glam, and the story sounds unique. Moreover, Bethany Wiggins--the author--is a talent and fabulous person rolled up into one.

After bouncing from foster home to foster home, Magdalene Mae is transferred to what should be her last foster home in the tiny town of Silver City, New Mexico. Now that she's eighteen and has only a year left in high school, she's determined to stay out of trouble and just be normal. Agreeing to go to the prom with Bridger O'Connell is a good first step. Fitting in has never been her strong suit, but it's not for the reasons most people would expect-it all has to do with the deep secret that she is a shape shifter. But even in her new home danger lurks, waiting in the shadows to pounce. They are the Skinwalkers of Navajo legend, who have traded their souls to become the animal whose skin they wear-and Maggie is their next target.

Full of romance, mysticism, and intrigue, this dark take on Navajo legend will haunt readers to the final page.

What do you think? Will you add this to your TBR pile? If you do, why  not tweet it and let Bethany know.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Whoseywhatsit Thursday: Writing Prompt!

This week has been an insane one for me, and I haven't had time to write or edit or critique or do much of anything. So when it came time to post I decided I needed a "writing prompt" to get me back into a creative frame of mind!

Since autumn officially begins tomorrow, I thought we'd use that as our prompt. You have up to 250 words to throw your character into a fall-like setting, develop a flashback, write a poem, try something new, whatever you want. Post those words below and then comment on at least one other person's writing. (You don't need to necessarily critique it, this isn't polished writing people!)

Ready. Set. Go!

(And here's mine ...)

When Helene was eight, she and her older sister dressed up as wizards for
Halloween. Christi came up with the idea, as always. She spent an entire afternoon flipping through the costume catalog, tagging pages that grabbed her attention. Every time Helene leaned over to point to something, Christi turned the page so fast she nearly gave herself a paper cut.

“What about the rock star?” Helene asked as the costume sailed in and out of her vision faster than a shooting star.

No response.

“Or the zombie?” Helene wanted to scare the idiot neighbor kids.

Nothing.

“Why can’t I pick my own costume, anyway?” Helene crossed her arms and flopped down on the couch. “I don’t want to have to match.”

Finally Christi opened her mouth. “Because, you are clearly incapable of choosing something appropriate. And I have much better taste.”

Christi narrowed her choices down, further and further until she finally stuck the page in front of Helene’s nose. “We’re going to be wizards. You’re the boy.”

Of course Helene was the boy. And after the Halloween parade, when she’d had to lead everyone around the playground because she was by far the tallest in the class, Helene stripped off the robe and hat and promptly stuffed them in the trash.

Who cared about trick-or-treating anyway?

Image Source

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Writer's Wednesday: Coping With Rejection


Over the summer, my family traveled to Las Vegas (and SouthDakota) to visit family.  While I was in Vegas, my mom asked me to sing with the women’s ensemble at her church.  Funnily enough, the sermon was about coping with rejection.

Of course, as a writer, my mind immediately connected the pastor’s points to writing and all the rejection we deal with as writers.

He gave three ways to cope with rejection: Realism, Reinforcements, and Refuge.

Realism:  Rejection happens.  It happens to everyone—even the best of the best.  I mean, if J.K. Rowling got rejected?  Then, yeah, I’m pretty sure EVERYONE can expect some.  So, expect it.  It is coming in some form or fashion, and you will have to deal with it.

Reinforcements:  You can’t do it alone.  Every successful writer out there had help.  Just look at a few Acknowledgement pages in your favorite novels.  All those people the author mentions?  REINFORCEMENTS.  Become part of a community or critique group of people who can help you get better and see your work more clearly than you can by yourself.

Refuge:  Sometimes the rejection becomes too much.  It’s okay.  Everyone has had a rejection that hurt more than the rest.  Or got overwhelmed by too much of it.  So take refuge.  Get away from the rejection for a while.  Go participate in another hobby.  Get out of the house.  Or, you know, watch all five seasons of PSYCH on DVD.  ;)

So how do you cope with rejection?  I tend to be fairly pragmatic, so Realism seems to be my default, although I have had to turn to my reinforcements or my refuge.  Or PSYCH.  :P

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

TBR Tuesday: Cold Kiss

This week, I'm excited for the release of COLD KISS by Amy Garvey.  It sounds sort of Pet Cemetery meets If I Stay.  Plus, the cover's pretty darn amazing.


“It seemed so right. Danny was mine, I was his, and that wasn’t going to work if he was dead. So I would make him not dead, not anymore. I didn’t think any further than what it would feel like to kiss him again, to wrap my arms around him and bury my head against his shoulder. 
That was my first mistake. It also turned out to be the biggest.” 

When her boyfriend, Danny, is killed in a car accident, Wren can’t imagine living without him. Wild with grief, she uses the untamed powers she’s inherited to bring him back. But the Danny who returns is just a shell of the boy she once loved. 

Wren has spent four months keeping Danny hidden, while her life slowly unravels around her. Then Gabriel DeMarnes transfers to her school and somehow, inexplicably, he can sense her secret. Wren finds herself drawn to Gabriel, who is so much more alive than the ghost of the boy she loved. But Wren can’t turn her back on Danny or the choice she made for him—and she realizes she must find a way to make things right, even if it means breaking her own heart. 

Amy Garvey’s transcendent teen debut is perfect for fans of Shiver and Beautiful Creatures. Wren’s unforgettable voice and story will stay with readers long after the last page is turned.


What do you think?  Had you heard of this one?  Will you be picking it up?

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Whoseywhatsit Thursday: CRITIQUES

Sorry I'm behind the 8-ball, y'all. We had an evening run to the ER last night and it totally threw me off my do-it-the-night-before groove.

Now, we're still playing with this format, so let us know if you'd like to see changes!

ORIGINAL SAMPLE AS CHOSEN BY RANDOM.ORG:

a YA Gothic thriller told from five perspectives.

Title: The Curse of Elizabeth Brewster, by Julie Kingsley

Pitch: Banished to Pemberton Academy in Western Massachusetts, Eli quickly finds herself embroiled in a four hundred year old love triangle that leads her to lost secrets about America's earliest beginnings - turns out those Puritans were not so pure-can she survive it?

First 250:

The view from Headmaster Proctor’s personal office was obstructed by a gnarled apple tree and thick ivy that grew up the brick walls outside weaving its way from one thing to the next. He pushed open the old paned window and smelled the sharp scent of the crabapples rotting in the sun. As always, he reached out to grab a fistful of ivy and flung it to the ground. A part of him was scared that it was going to suffocate him at night- that damn ivy.

He took a deep breath. “They’ve been chosen,” he said to himself. He flung around to face his sanctuary. Here, surrounded by tall bookcases full of classical tales with thick covers and pages that smelled faintly of must he was home. He slammed the window shut and reached over to crank up his air conditioner. He hated autumn, yearning for the darkness of winter. With a practiced hand he filled his teapot from the kettle, watching as the steam swirled through the air like magic. He warmed his pot and poured the used water down the drain before adding more water and his Earl Grey tea to the prized pot with the Pemberton Academy crest on its belly.

He put his timer on exactly six minutes and waited. His mind wandered to his boyhood. Back then, he recalled sitting at his window peering out into the night and seeing four girls flying across the Green, heads thrown back in laughter, racing toward the woods.

NIKKI'S CRITIQUE:

I liked this overall, there are some distinct "senses" that we get, but I still didn't feel attached to the character. I don't know anything about him... which is fine if we switch POVs pretty quickly. Especially with this being YA.

The view from Headmaster Proctor’s personal office was obstructed by a gnarled apple tree and thick ivy that grew up the brick walls outside weaving its way from one thing to the next [this sentence was really long for an opening, considering splitting into two!]. He pushed open the old paned window and smelled [don't tell us he's smelling it, instead say that the sharp scent made his lips pucker or seared his throat or something ... ]the sharp scent of the crabapples rotting in the sun. As always, he reached out to grab a fistful of ivy and flung it to the ground. A part of him was scared that it was going to suffocate him at night- that damn ivy [two "was"s in this sentence ... too passive].

He took a deep breath. “They’ve been chosen,” he said to himself. He flung [usually you fling something. did he spin around? fling his arms?] around to face his sanctuary. Here, surrounded by tall bookcases full of classical tales with thick covers and pages that smelled faintly of must[missing a comma] he was home. He slammed the window shut and reached over to crank up his air conditioner. He hated autumn, yearning for the darkness of winter. With a practiced hand he filled his teapot from the kettle, watching as the steam swirled through the air like magic. He warmed his pot and poured the used water down the drain before adding more water and his Earl Grey tea to the prized pot with the
Pemberton Academy crest on its belly.

He put his timer on exactly six minutes and waited. His mind wandered to his boyhood. Back then, he recalled sitting at his window peering out into the night and seeing four girls flying across the Green, heads thrown back in laughter, racing toward the woods. [is this memory important? if not, keep us in the present and get us quicker to the action!]

ANN'S CRITIQUE:

Pitch: Banished to Pemberton Academy in Western Massachusetts, Eli quickly finds herself embroiled in a four hundred year old love triangle that leads her to lost secrets about America's earliest beginnings - turns out those Puritans were not so pure-can she survive it?
{This feels disjointed to me. You go from the dramatic pitch language to trying to sound hip. I recommend dropping - turns out those Puritans were not so pure- then it would flow better and have more consistency.}

First 250:

The view from Headmaster Proctor’s personal office was obstructed by a gnarled apple tree and thick ivy that grew up the brick walls outside weaving its way from one thing to the next. {This is a long first sentence that does nothing to hook my interest as a reader. I realize you're trying to set the stage, but I really don't care what it looks like outside the office--tell me what's happening INSIDE first. I would cut half the modifiers, too. It feels heavy.}He pushed open the old paned window and smelled the sharp scent of the crabapples rotting in the sun. As always, he reached out to grab a fistful of ivy and flung it to the ground. A part of him was scared that it was going to suffocate him at night- that damn ivy. {This last bit feels tacked on. I'd cut it. I think you're going for a deep 1st POV, the more literary feel and heavy description doesn't support it. So, I recommend you settle on the more literary tone you've established.}

He took a deep breath. “They’ve been chosen,” he said to himself. {Cut the reflexive. Try 'mutter', or make the statement an internal thought.} He flung {second use of this word in as many paragraphs. Beware overusage!} around to face his sanctuary. Here, surrounded by tall bookcases full of classical tales with thick covers and pages that smelled faintly of must he was home. {heavy with description here, and I wonder if it's necessary.} He slammed the window shut and reached over to crank up his air conditioner. He hated autumn, yearning for the darkness of winter. With a practiced hand he filled his teapot from the kettle, watching as the steam swirled through the air like magic. {Already I'm noticing you have a tendency for overwriting. I realize, as a writer, we want to bring people into our world, show them the scene we see in our head, but all this description detracts from the action. Do we NEED to know he has a practicied hand at making tea?} He warmed his pot and poured the used water down the drain before adding more water and his Earl Grey tea to the prized pot with the Pemberton Academy crest on its belly.

He put his timer on exactly six minutes and waited. {I hate to harp this much but do we need to know it's exactly six minutes? Does that have a bearing on what comes in the six minutes?}His mind wandered to his boyhood. Back then, he recalled sitting at his window peering out into the night and seeing four girls flying across the Green, heads thrown back in laughter, racing toward the woods.

Julie, I think you have a great concept, from the pitch line, but having been edited to death for over use of modifiers in my day, I see you are falling into the same trap. Readers don't need the scene in such detail. Feed them bits here and there to enhance your characters thoughts and actions. It will create a tighter, heightened scene and story. Also, I'm don't think this is the right start for your YA story. YA is by nature, teen-centric and starting with a Headmaster is not.

JESSICA'S CRITIQUE:

[Proposed restructuring of first sentence: A gnarled apple tree obstructed the view from Headmaster Proctor’s personal office. Thick ivy grew] up the brick walls outside, weaving its way from one thing to the next. [Change ‘He’ to Headmaster Proctor] pushed open the old paned window and smelled the sharp scent of [cut ‘the’] crabapples rotting in the sun. As always, he reached out to grab a fistful of ivy and flung it to the ground. A part of him was scared it was going to suffocate him at night- that damn ivy.

He took a deep breath. “They’ve been chosen,” he said [cut ‘to himself’]. He flung [JAS1] [JAS1]around to

face his sanctuary. Here, surrounded by tall bookcases full of classical tales with thick covers and pages that smelled faintly of must, he was home. He slammed the window shut and reached over to crank up his air conditioner. He hated autumn [and yearned] for the darkness of winter. With a practiced hand, he filled his teapot from the kettle, watching as the steam swirled through the air like magic. He warmed his pot and poured the used water down the drain before adding more water and his Earl Grey tea to the prized pot with the Pemberton Academy crest on its belly.

He put his timer on exactly six minutes and waited. His mind wandered to his boyhood. Back then, he recalled sitting at his window peering out into the night and seeing four girls flying across the Green, heads thrown back in laughter, racing toward the woods.

Overall, your writing is strong and I get a pretty clear mental picture of Headmaster Proctor, however, this beginning is a bit boring. Not to put too fine of a point on it. It would be interesting, say, if this were further into the story, but as an opening it doesn’t have the hook to make me really want to keep reading

Also, this feels very much like a prologue (am I right?), since it’s from the headmaster’s POV. I’m just not sure that teens are going to be able to relate to someone of his age (since you mention his mind wandering to his boyhood) telling a story about his younger self. It would be my suggestion that you cut this POV all together. It’s really hard to sell (And I’m using sell loosely. This would apply to finding an agent as well as an editor) a YA being told from an adult’s perspective because YA is all about the voice and this piece, like the majority of stories told from an adult perspective don’t have that YA voice (and they shouldn’t since they’re being told by an adult).

You mention the story is being told in 5 different perspectives and this sounds like an intriguing story, I have to question if you’re just starting in the wrong spot and with the wrong character (do you even really need Headmaster’s older POV at all?)

However, I am intrigued to know about who has been chosen and why. And how come this man knows about it. From your pitch, I can tell this is a story I would definitely want to keep reading, but I just don’t see it from these 250 words. I also enjoyed your descriptive phrases. They were very pretty and gave me an excellent sense of what I should be seeing.

LARISSA'S CRITIQUE:

The view from Headmaster Proctor’s [This name seems odd, and distracted me the first time I read it.] personal office was obstructed by a gnarled apple tree and thick ivy that grew up the brick walls outside weaving its way from one thing to the next. He pushed open the old paned window and smelled the sharp scent of the crabapples rotting in the sun. As always, he reached out to grab a fistful of ivy and flung it to the ground. A part of him was scared that it was going to suffocate him at night- that damn ivy. [Given that he hates/fears the ivy so much, why does he bother to grab a handful and throw it? It seems like a pointless activity. (This stands out because he’s a headmaster and lives in a world of musty books—he would seem to be a smart guy, yes? Smart guys tend not to do pointless things.)]

He took a deep breath. “They’ve been chosen,” he said to himself. [This is intriguing.] He flung [not sure this is the right word here] around to face his sanctuary. Here, surrounded by tall bookcases full of classical tales with thick covers and pages that smelled faintly of must[comma] he was home. He slammed the window shut and reached over to crank up his air conditioner. [“He was home” doesn’t flow with then slamming the window shut and hating autumn.] He hated autumn, yearning for the darkness of winter. With a practiced hand he filled his teapot from the kettle, watching as the steam swirled through the air like magic. He warmed his pot and poured the used water down the drain before adding more water and his Earl Grey tea to the prized pot with the Pemberton Academy crest on its belly. [This is confusing. Is it necessary?]

He put his timer on exactly six minutes and waited. His mind wandered to his boyhood. Back then, he recalled sitting at his window peering out into the night and seeing four girls flying across the Green, heads thrown back in laughter, racing toward the woods. [This is also intriguing.]

Hi Julie! So, from your pitch and description, I am interested in this story. However, your first 250 words don’t draw me in. If this is Eli’s story (which I am assuming from the title and description), why are we hearing from some old man first? Is this a prologue? (It sort of feels like one.) In other words, I am not convinced that this is the place to start your story. Since I haven’t read any more of it, I can’t say for sure, but I would suggest you should start with Eli. Also, I’m curious, why five points-of-view? Again, the story sounds interesting. Best of luck!

JESSIES CRITIQUE:

The view from Headmaster Proctor’s personal office was obstructed by a gnarled apple tree and thick ivy that grew up the brick walls outside, weaving its way from one thing to the next.[2] [1] He pushed open the old paned window and smelled the sharp scent of the crabapples rotting in the sun. As always, he reached out to grab a fistful of ivy and flung it to the ground. A part of him was scared it was going to suffocate him at night- that damned ivy.

He took a deep breath. “They’ve been chosen,” he said to himself. He flung[3] [2] around to face his sanctuary. Here, surrounded by tall bookcases full of classical tales with thick covers and pages that smelled faintly of must, he was home. He slammed the window shut and reached over to crank up his air conditioner. He hated autumn, yearning for the darkness of winter. With a practiced hand he filled his teapot from the kettle, watching as the steam swirled through the air like magic. He warmed his pot and poured the used water down the drain before adding more water and his Earl Grey tea [4] [3]to the prized pot with the Pemberton Academy crest on its belly.

He put his timer on exactly six minutes and waited. His mind wandered to his boyhood. Back then, he recalled sitting at his bedroom (?) window, peering out into the night and seeing four girls flying across the Green, heads thrown back in laughter, racing toward the woods.

the last sentence finally got my attention - that and “they’ve been chosen.” my problem with this is that you’re starting off a YA novel with an old man reflecting on his youth. I worry that teens won’t instantly connect with Proctor the way they should. IMO, since you’re telling this story from 5 alternating POVs, you ought to start with one that your target audience will connect with. Your writing itself is very strong, I just think you’ve picked the wrong starting point.

SHERI'S CRITIQUE

First 250:

The view from Headmaster Proctor’s personal office was obstructed by a gnarled apple tree. Thick ivy grew up the brick walls outside, weaving its way from one thing to the next. He pushed open the old paned window and grabbed a fistful of ivy. The sharp scent of crabapples rotting in the sun stung his nostrils. He flung the greenery to the ground, fearful it would suffocate him at night- damn ivy.

He took a deep breath. [sal5] [sal1]“They’ve been chosen,” he said to himself. He flung [sal6] [sal2]around to face his sanctuary. Here, surrounded by tall bookcases full of classical tales with thick covers and pages that smelled faintly of must, he was home. He slammed the window shut [sal7] [sal3]and reached over to crank up his air conditioner. He hated autumn, yearning for the darkness of winter. With a practiced hand, he filled his teapot from the kettle, watching as the steam swirled through the air like magic. He warmed his pot and poured the used water down the drain before adding more water and his Earl Grey tea to the prized pot with the Pemberton Academy crest on its belly.

He put his timer on exactly six minutes and waited. His mind wandered to his boyhood. Back then, he recalled sitting at his window peering out into the night and seeing four girls flying across the Green, heads thrown back in laughter, racing toward the woods.

Overall comment: try to eliminate a few of the ‘he’s.’


[2]

very long first sentence

[3]

awkward w/c

[4]Would he take a breath if he smelled the sharp scent of rotting crabapples just before? Maybe insert that he closed the window.

[sal5]Just used above. Try a different word.

[sal6]Yeah, maybe move this up.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Writer's Wednesday: Openers

The summer months are when hubby and I often take walks during the later evening hours. We chat about our day, how the kids were and what they did, and what's on the agenda for tomorrow. Having four kids means planning. (But outlining is for another post.)

Recently I noticed that our opening statements, no matter what topic they're about, set the tone, mood, voice, and even our interest in continuing with that subject. The same goes for movie watching. The same goes for reading an article in the newspaper. And yes, even when reading a book.

What does that tell me? HOOKING the attention of any person must be done from the onset--the first few words, whether spoken or read, the initial glance. What makes me want more? The answer to that question can hinge on change, conflict, contemplating, and many other factors.

I'm currently taking an online writing course that explores the reasons some first sentences, first paragraphs, first pages, and first chapters work as opposed to those that don't. Let's concentrate on the first line.

There's something very wrong with me. Mercy, by Rebecca Lim.

This first sentence immediately puts me in question mode, which is something we all want our readers to do.  Being a sleuth, I then must read on to discover what's wrong with me and who me is. In this example, the hook is through voice, mystery, and even a little bit of inner conflict.

Two don'ts of CAUTION:
  1. Don't over utilize the questioning hook and confuse the reader. Give them just enough to taint their tongues and make them want more. 
  2. And, if you're using any form of action and/or reaction in the opening statement, make sure to SHOW not TELL the reader what's happening.
Number 2 is a lesson I learned during one of my lessons in my class. I'd originally began my opening statement like this: The last thing I expect to see is a dead guy as the bus drops me off on my secluded country road. More shocking, though, is that he touches me.


As Lynette Labelle and all her greatness explained to me, this is more telling than showing. She thought I was pretty close, but needed to tweak it a bit. I'm going to share what I came up with, which I rarely do. Lynette hasn't even peeked at it. This is right off the cuff from her adviceI watch the bus inch past me and down my secluded country road, the dead guy’s image repeating through each small window until all that’s left is vacant space between us.


Perfection? Maybe not. But it's definitely switched from telling to showing.

So, what spice does the opening sentence need? Firstly, relax and don't over analyze. Know your main character like your best friend. In my experience, this truly helps. But do keep this in mind: An opening sentence does it's job when it gives active ingredients about the main character and his/her world that's interesting, unique, and will resonate with a reader.

Now look at your WIP. Do you know why it would hook your reader? Does it? If not, no worries. You can always hand it over to a supportive beta reader and then edit. Remember: our work is never set in stone.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

TBR Tuesday: Daughter of Smoke and Bone

So good to be back!!! It's Tuesday - time to talk about a book in our To Be Read stack. This week I'm telling you that you HAVE HAVE HAVE to read Daughter of Smoke and Bone by Lainey Taylor. I got the ARC at Comic Con and it's beautiful and haunting and has amazing prose and imagery and setting and mythology. Definitely pick it up when it comes out in a couple weeks!



Goodreads Synopsis:
Around the world, black handprints are appearing on doorways, scorched there by winged strangers who have crept through a slit in the sky.

In a dark and dusty shop, a devil's supply of human teeth grown dangerously low.

And in the tangled lanes of Prague, a young art student is about to be caught up in a brutal otherworldly war.

Meet Karou. She fills her sketchbooks with monsters that may or may not be real; she's prone to disappearing on mysterious "errands"; she speaks many languages—not all of them human; and her bright blue hair actually grows out of her head that color. Who is she? That is the question that haunts her, and she's about to find out.

When one of the strangers—beautiful, haunted Akiva—fixes his fire-colored eyes on her in an alley in Marrakesh, the result is blood and starlight, secrets unveiled, and a star-crossed love whose roots drink deep of a violent past. But will Karou live to regret learning the truth about herself?


Make sure to pick up this book when it comes out, and in the meantime you can find Laini on her blog and on Twitter.

Thursday, September 08, 2011

Whoseywhatsit Thursday: Crit Style

Hello you lovely Oasis Seekers!  I am soooo excited to be writing my first Oasis blogpost, and it's a super cool one.

First, how cool is WHOSEYWHATSIT THURSDAY?!  Right?  That was A.E.'s creation, and we all love it immensely.  Actually, just typing it makes me smile. :)  Thursdays will be a sort of whatever we come up with, whatever's going on kinda day, and I think Whoseywhatsit fits that perfectly.

In fact, on two Thursdays a month, it means an opportunity for you!  I have the privilege of announcing out new critique feature.  On the first Thursday of the month (technically that was last Thursday, but we were still on hiatus), we will post a call for volunteers.  We'll let you know what we're critting that month, and if you're interested, you can leave your name and email in the comments.  We will randomly choose a volunteer and email that person for their submission (whatever we've chosen to crit for the month).  Then we will post our critiques the following Thursday (the second Thursday of the month).

Okay, so, this month we are going to look at your first 250 words.  So, if you are interested in having all six of the Oasis Ladies critique your first 250 words, please let us know in the comments and be sure to leave your email.  We will choose one person at noon on Sunday, and you will have 24 hours to email us your submission.  We will post our crits next week (Please note, if the critiques get too lengthy, we reserve the right to condense them for posting purposes).

In addition, a bloggerly friend of ours, Ebyss, is having a contest to win a first chapter/ten-page crit from all of us, so head over there and check it out.

So, lots of opportunities for crits from us!  Yay! Oh, and I posted a little About Me on my blog Tuesday, in case you want to get to know me a little better.  Please stop by and say hi!

Okay, sign up for the 250-word crit in the comments, and tell us about a great crit experience you've had. :)

Wednesday, September 07, 2011

Writer's Wednesday: Self-Editing 101

First off -- I'm so glad that our Oasis has returned.  We hope you enjoy the new line-up and our new contributor, Larissa Hardesty.

**Image snatched from Monbcn on DeviantArt**

For our first writer's Wednesday, I wanted to start with three basic self-editing tips that I see with some frequency.  I'm reading a self-published novel right now that has an absolutely AWESOME story line, but the editing issues are rampant.  I also see these mistakes cropping up in the First Pages group at #yalitchat.  Whether you're subbing to an agent or editor -- or going it on your own -- being able to self-edit is a critical skill.

Some common mistakes I'm seeing (and these are pretty basic, btw):

1.  Punctuation around dialog.  This is correct: "I like dogs," said Abbie.
     This is not correct: "I like dogs." said Abbie.

     This is correct: "I like dogs." Abbie grinned.
     This is not correct: "I like dogs," Abbie grinned.

     Can you see the difference between the two?  In the first example, what follows is a dialog tag.  The most common examples are said and asked.  If you're adding it before or after dialog, the correct pronunciation to use is a comma.  In the second example, what follows the dialog is a second sentence describing Abbie's movement.  This is classic showing.  Instead of telling your reader who is speaking, you're able to show by adding in a descriptive motion just before or after the dialog.  Since this is not a dialog tag (and it's not, because grinning is not a way in which to speak), the correct pronunciation is a period.
     
2.  Using Contractions in Dialog.  I actually stopped reading a self-pubbed novel with a good story line because all of the teen characters spoke in long, complete sentences.  The author never used contractions.  Now, I'm guilty of this myself in first drafts.  We've been taught for so long not to use contractions in our writing, it tends to come out that way even if we're thinking in contractions in our head.

Fix this when you're editing.

Read the dialog out loud.  Have beta readers who will actually give you honest feedback read it.  Do something.  Because I don't know any teens who would say something like: "I am going to college this fall. It is going to be great."  Instead, it'd be something more like: "I'm going to college this fall. It'll be great."  Same message, totally different delivery.

3.  Spelling.  Now, before my beta readers start throwing stones at me, I confess that this is one of my own fatal flaws. I'm a horrid speller and my word processing program, Pages, actually gave up on me and won't find the errors for me anymore.  (Yes, it's that bad.)  But a friend recently sent me a list of free spell checking sites that can scan your document for spelling errors.  So, I'm sharing.  Free is good.  Spelled correctly is better.
http://www.autocrit.com/wizardformpage.php
http://www.spellchecker.net/grammar/

http://www.grammar-monster.com/index.html <-- not a spell-checker, but answers all of the common grammar questions.  Really cool place!
publish button http://www.inetword.com/
http://shutterb.org/
http://www.editpad.org/
http://writeboard.com/
http://www.makeuseof.com/tag/writely-online-word-processor/


Though the sites listed above are free there is also software that you can purchase. Whitesmoke is great software that is compatible to Microsoft word 2007 and 2010. It is most certainly affordable:
http://www.whitesmoke.com/



So, those are my basic editing tips for the day.  Anyone want to add to the list of basics?  Or have feedback on the freebie spell-checkers?

Tuesday, September 06, 2011

We're back! And with a contest, too!


Wow!  Summer flew this year, didn’t it? I can’t believe that we’re over halfway through 2011 and heading on a crash course into 2012. 

As you’ve probably guessed we’ve re-launched and quite a few changes have taken place.  The most obvious being our new template.  We’re also instituting a new posting schedule. We’ll only be posting on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays, but we’ve got some awesome things in the pipeline so we hope you’ll join us then.

And the best news of all is we’ve added a new Oasis Sister!  Please join me in welcoming the fabulous Larissa Hardesty.   


You can check out her personal blog here, but as a quick run down she’s a paranormal young adult writer and my CP.  She has written one book, LURE, about a book that has a whole town addicted to the point that they are quite literally reading themselves to death and the reluctant hero who has to embrace his native American ancestry in order to save them.  And is working on another called SUCCS—about a girl who believes in love, romance, and candle light dinners, but she finds out she’s a monster after almost killing her first date during their first kiss and happily-ever-afters don’t exist for this kind of monster.

And now onto our regularly scheduled post.  Our first TBR book after our hiatus is SILENCE by Becca Fitzpatrick. 

SILENCE is the third book in the HUSH, HUSH Saga and releases October 4, 2011 so LESS THAN A MONTH!  WooHoo!



Description


The noise between Patch and Nora is gone. They've overcome the secrets riddled in Patch's dark past...bridged two irreconcilable worlds...faced heart-wrenching tests of betrayal, loyalty and trust...and all for a love that will transcend the boundary between heaven and earth. Armed with nothing but their absolute faith in one another, Patch and Nora enter a desperate fight to stop a villain who holds the power to shatter everything they've worked for—and their love—forever.


For more information, check out Becca's website or goodreads page. Or, you can preorder the book on Amazon, Barnes& Noble, or Book Depository.

And to get you in the mood…and to welcome you back to our blog, we're giving away a Hardcover copy of CRESCENDO, which is book 2 in the series.

All you have to do to enter is make sure you’re a follower of the blog, and comment in the comment's section about what you did for your summer vacation.  You get extra points for blogging and tweeting about it.  +3 for blogging , +1 for tweeting (make sure to mention us @oasisforya in the tweet), for a total of five entries.  Make sure to add them up and put them in your comments section.  Winners will be drawn at random by random.org and announced next Tuesday. You’ll have 48 hours to claim your prize before we draw another name/number from the comments.

Unfortunately this contest is only for US residents. Sorry. :(
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